I think Bonanno's big problem with the other bosses, is that he was non-inclusive with them. Maybe if he had included his cousin Magaddino or someone out of the NY area, possibly Joe Zerilli (detroit was heavy in the drugs and kin to Joe Profaci).... losing the Alliance to his cousin was a major blow because most other powers back then were connected to Lucchese/Gambino or Genovese, all rivals.
I often wonder from Bonanno's perspective when/why he began to distrust Stefano. It had to be years before their beef, he was never included in Joe's national/international plans. I always thought Bonanno left Digregorio out of the drugs (for whatever reason) and that was the true origin of the split, maybe its the same with Stefano? just trying to use mob logic... follow the rackets, follow the money.