He didn't leave it up to Ralph. He told him what needed to be done, without explicitly telling him what to do. Ralph knows they both know Jackie has to go, but he wants Tony to order it. "I'll make sure your orders are done.... whatever they may be..." The way Tony did it, he has maximum deniability. Conscience-wise, Meadow-wise, etc. He put all that on Ralph. "You took this kid under your wing, you schooled him as best you could, didn't ya?" With that look on his face. They both know he didn't, then to drive the point home he gives Ralph the pistol back. Really genius of Tony. The other scene when he tells Ralph that whatever decision he makes be "done in a timely fashion", was a little more direct, because Ralph was dragging his feet. It wasn't about if Tony cared about Jackie Jr, he broke the rules and shot a made guy, they couldn't give him a pass. Christopher was already pretty openly disrespecting Tony for not enforcing those rules and those little seeds are what grow into a full blown mutiny.

"What'd we say" meaning they knew Ralph would seek Tony out, rather than have Tony call him in. Ralph knew he fucked up and probably wanted to get ahead of this thing as best he could. Put on a strong front.