Date Movie

I don’t even know where to begin, so in a way I’m a lot like the filmmakers in that respect. This “movie” was a fucking atrocity, I’m being serious I mean does anyone have the number of the war crimes tribunal? I’d rather be but in a German work camp than have to sit through this again.

I know what you might be thinking (actually I don’t it is just a way to segue into my next set of heavy-handed metaphoric comments about this movie), how could you not know that this movie was going to be nightmare of Lovecraftian proportions? Well point in fact I did, but another member of this board really wanted to see it, they actually thought that it was going to be funny, so they offered to pay my admittance. Yes this movie is so bad I want it stated up front that I did not pay to watch it.

I suppose I’ll start with the biggest flaw in the movie, I don’t think they had a script. It was more of a hodgepodge of various film scenes that felt like it was put together with a glue stick. There seemed to be no harmony between pieces they chose to “spoof”. Have you ever seen Johnny Mnemonic? That scene where he makes up the access code in the hotel room full of scientists? It is a lot like that (if you haven’t seen Johnny Mnemonic, he captures three random images off of a TV by switching channels). Some of them do thread together but after seeing the whole of the movie you realize that was just some form of happy accident and not some master plan. It’s films like this that I really wish I could have been in the editing room, just to see what was left on the floor. I mean WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE DEEMED NOT WORTHY TO BE IN THIS FILM, what dark secrets of the arcane are on those strips of celluloid that they can’t be released on the general population, well at least not until the “Uncut and Unrated” DVD comes out.

The acting…I don’t think I can actually say anything about the acting of this “movie”. They had nothing to work with. The characters are hollow with no sustenance to them, no weight. The actors are just kinda blank, the only actors in the movie that I can name really only play slight variations of characters that they’ve played in other movies, only in lesser forms. I really don’t want to fault the actors here but they should suffer some of the burden, they did take the check for making this piece of trash. There is not one lead actor in the bunch, this movie is comprised entirely of supporting actors merely acting like leads – the only problem is without help from the script there is no way that they can pull it off.

This movie has all the quality that you would expect from a local car dealership commercial. It has no merit nor entertainment value, this is the type of movie that would make Uwe Boll wince if he had to watch it. I give you Date Movie a F-…---, 0, 0x*, two thumbs Down, et al