To answer each and every question in their proper order, Carlo benefitted from impeccable criminal pedigree. That means it was by fact of his birth inherited position that made him the fulcrum point between the American Gambino blood family, and the Sicilian Gambino blood family. I am not referring to the criminal enterprise known as "the Gambino Family".

Carlo stayed out of jail and not Luciano because Carlo didn't have a hot head like Al Capone making waves. Al Capone brought the heat and media attention. Then politicians/prosecutors like Dewey wanted a scapegoat. Lucky Luciano was considered the top criminal mastermind....and a career making bust if you could take him down. Didn't Dewey eventually run for President?

Carlo was more respected because he was not just old school, but old country Sicilian. He had an old fashioned mafioso sense of manhood and honor. We read about it when we hear anecdotes about women in Little Italy throwing flowers down onto Carlo from the windows above, or when he publicly upbraided a made man for frequenting around town in public with a woman not his wife. There are many other events which raised Carlo's esteem in the eyes of onlookers, like the time he supposedly had a man put into a meat grinder alive for sexing the wives of made men, or the time a capo named Mimi Scialo was whacked and then paved over with concrete for harassing Carlo in public.

Carlo was looked at like a king by many, but not by all.