Another Wonder Winner from the Land of the World's Stupidest Criminals:

A guy in a pickup gave a ride to a teenaged girl, but instead of driving her home, he turned into a forest trail and attempted to assault her. She got away and hid.

Meanwhile, this idiot couldn't find his way out of the forest trail. So what does he do? He calls the Sheriff's Department and asks for emergency assistance!! Deputy shows up, tracking the guy's cell phone, and the girl jumps out of hiding and accuses him.

Guy was arrested and couldn't make bail. Pleaded not guilty, and turned down a plea bargain at first. Was in jail for a couple of years. Finally took a plea bargain--judge sentenced him to time served in the county jail and put him on probation/counseling. A really lenient sentence around here. So, the idiot fails to make his probation visits. Goes back into jail.