Two dogs are in the waiting room of a veterinarian. Dog 1 asks Dog 2 what he's there for. "My mistress's little girl was holding a cookie in her hand," says Dog 2. "I couldn't help myself--I grabbed it away from her and bit her on the hand. They're gonna put me down for sure! What about you?"

"Well," says Dog 1, "my mistress was having a shower and I was in the bathroom. I got all hot and bothered...and I couldn't help myself--I jumped her." "Uh-oh," says Dog 2, "it's curtains for you, too."

"Nah," says Dog 1. "She just wants to get my nails clipped."