Man says to his wife "Go into the bathroom and have a look at the crap i have just had, its massive."

"Urgh, no thanks" she says, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"Go on," he says "just a quick look,it must be about 2 pounds at least"

"Okay then you disgusting man" she says, and runs in and then runs back out. "Its not there," she says "it must have flushed"

"Oh no" he says, "did you not look on the bathroom scales?"