Father Tom Donovan, a parish priest in Springfield, Ill., telephoned 911 to report an emergency. Father Tom, his voice muffled, stated that he had been playing with handcuffs when he somehow cuffed and gagged himself, and needed help before it turned into a medical emergency. He was alone in the church.

Medics arrived to find Father Tom in an orange jumpsuit and wearing a leather bondage mask with a bar in his mouth.

He is now on indefinite leave from Bishop Paprocki, who made news earlier this year by proclaiming that voting Democratic places your eternal soul in serious jeopardy of damnation.

I imagine that Father Tom has made a full and heartfelt confession and as his penance probably received ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and a few whippings from the lash of Madame Lucretia.