The other day I went to the bank to open a joint account. The teller asked "With whom are you opening this account?" I replied "Whoever has the most money."
"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis
