Well i don't know about any of the above things you said, but i think it boils down to be around this type of culture. These woman grew up in this environment, so they were used to these types of behaviours. It was natural for these woman to end up with these guys. Tony says in season four "Who did you think you were marrying? You hung around your father and Dicky Moltisante and all those guys, you knew every step of the way." I may be slightly off that quote, but Carmela knew what she was getting into. She married into what she knew.