The reason might be compensation. At least Carmela seems to know (of course not in all detail) what Tony does. So I think these wives must feel some kind of guilt and fear. They know their husbands literally have blood on their hands.
In the Godfather book, there is a great plotline where Vito's wife explains to Kay why she goes to church every morning. And what did Kay afterwards?
And I do not agree with your conclusion that Meadow hates her father. She may have done so in her teenage years, but if you think of her 'conversations' with Finn, she in fact defended her father (all that mezzogiorno crap).
I agree as she got older, she got more mature and understood that her father did what he did because he needed to and really didn't have much of a choice because thats the life he chose.
But when she was younger, man did she and her friends disrespect Tony. They looked at him and rolled their eyes when he would come around them. Meadow would make smart ass comments about Tony to her mother, brother and her friends. She had no respect whatsoever for her father in her teenage years, including when she started college.
Same thing with Carmela. Numerous times she said she regretted being married to him and obviously had no respect for the man he was. She only was with him for money. I know for a fact that if they did not depend on Tony, they would have left him.
Also, that half breed that Meadow dated in college said that Tony was lucky that he didn't punch his lights out when he told him he didn't approve of him dating Meadow. LOL I would have loved to see that. Tony would have literally ripped his head off and enjoyed doing it. That kid had no chance against Tony Soprano.
Also you would have thought that Carmela's friends would have had a little more respect for Tony? There were numerous times where they completely ignored him in his own home. They are lucky Tony didn't rip their heads off either.
