The reason might be compensation. At least Carmela seems to know (of course not in all detail) what Tony does. So I think these wives must feel some kind of guilt and fear. They know their husbands literally have blood on their hands.
In the Godfather book, there is a great plotline where Vito's wife explains to Kay why she goes to church every morning. And what did Kay afterwards? wink

And I do not agree with your conclusion that Meadow hates her father. She may have done so in her teenage years, but if you think of her 'conversations' with Finn, she in fact defended her father (all that mezzogiorno crap).

Un giorno, e non arrivi mai quel giorno, ti chiederò di ricambiarmi il servizio, fino ad allora consideralo un regalo per le nozze di mia figlia.
(Don Corleone)

Once you're into this family, there's no getting out.