Clowns suck. I've never thought they were funny, and there's just something sick and weird about them.

I told my daughter that clowns live underground, and occasionally venture to the surface so that they can throw up carnivals, and that it's the job of the humans to ride all the rides so that the carnivals can once again sink back to the depths from which they came. By the age of four, I'd taught her how to say "Clowns are the enemy of mankind."