An Irish chap is walking down the road when he sees a sandwich with 2 red wires sticking out of it, lying in the road. So he rings the police and tells the operator, "Hallo...i av found a sandwich dat loiks like a feckin bomb".
"Is is tickin?" asks the operator.
"No i tink its turkey" he says!
I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees!
