The stupes who get convicted here in the Land of the World's Stupidest Criminals have lawyers who work overtime concocting "mitigating circumstances" at sentencing. Yesterday a woman was up for sentencing on three raps: DWI, failure to use an interlock device mandated by a previous DUI, and attempting to bribe three arresting cops to make the case go away. "After all, this is about a traffic stop," her lawyer told the judge. He then blamed the court that ajudicated her previous DUI for putting her back on the road again. She got 5 months in jail and 10 years probation.

Today a 24-year-old came up for sentencing in a rape case. After attacking thr victim, he fell asleep on her bed, so she fled and summoned the police. "He's a tortured soul," his lawyer pleaded. His wife said he's "the finest husband imaginable." He got 10.5 years.