If Obama had watched the films as much as he claims to have done, maybe the negotiations would have gone like this:


John Boehner: I can get you a 2011 budget. The price is $38 billion in cuts.

President Obama: Now, the agreed amount of budget cuts is less than $2 billion. Is that correct?

John Boehner: Yes.

President Obama: So why would I ever consider agreeing to more than that?

John Boehner: Because I intend to squeeze you. I don't like your kind of people. I don't like to see you come out to this clean city in oily hair and dressed up in those silk suits, and try to pass yourselves off as decent Americans. I'll do business with you but the fact is that I despise your masquerade, the dishonest way you pose yourself. Yourself and your whole f****** family.

President Obama: Congressman, we're both part of the same hypocrisy. But never think it applies to my family.

John Boehner: All right, all right -- some people have to play little games. You play yours. So lets just say that you'll agree to my cuts because it is in your interest to agree to my cuts. But I want your answer and the money by noon tomorrow. And one more thing. Don't you contact me again, ever. From now on, you deal with Cantor.

President Obama: Congressman? You can have my answer now, if you like. My final offer is this: nothing. Not even the 2011 funding for Planned Parenthood, which I would appreciate if you would put up personally.