Here's another Wonder-winner from the Land of the Stupid Miscreants:

Local paper reported about three weeks ago that a guy reported that his meat delivery truck had been stolen off of one of the main streets while he was gone for 10 minutes for a slice of pizza. Said he took the keys, etc. Paper later reported that the truck had been found, stuck in mud, on the other side of town.

Yesterday the paper reported that the driver confessed that he'd driven the truck to the other side of town for a, uh, tryst with a lady friend, while he was supposed to be delivering meat to stores. But he couldn't get the truck out of the mud after he was finished. Rather than face the music with his employer, he concocted the stolen-truck story. Cops charged him with making a false statement, forgery (by signing the false statement), and he was fired. Moral of story: deliver the meat you're supposed to--not your own.