It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.'
Ernie's wife was thinking that he was working too hard at the plant. He worked 12 hours a day and his only diversions were a night of bowling and a day of golf each week.
She decided to treat her hard working hubby with a night at the strip club. When they approached the door, the bouncer said, "Hi, Ernie. Nice to see you." His wife wondered how he knew Ernie and he replied, "That's Jim. He's in one of the bowling leagues."
The waitress stopped by their table and said, "The usual, Ernie?" His wife's eyebrows rose in disbelief, and he hurriedly explained, "That's the same waitress from the golf lounge."
Finally a stripper dropped herself in Ernie's lap and said, "Want the usual lap dance at your favorite seat in the corner?"
At this his furious wife stormed out of the club and jumped into the back of a cab to go home. Ernie followed and tried to explain that she must have her confused with someone else, but his wife was hitting him and screaming and calling him every 4 lettered word in the book.
The cabbie turned around and said, "Gee, Ernie, you really picked up a bitch tonight."
Ernie's funeral is Saturday.
