I saw bits of an infomercial for some old Johnny Carson clips and Rodney Dangerfield acts.

One joke from Johnny:

"A woman was arrested for giving sexual favors for spaghetti dinners. The lady did not want money, just a spaghtetti dinner. Technically doesn't that maker her a pastatute?"

Rodney:

"I get no respect at all. I know I'm ugly. Last year for halloween my wife dressed our kids up as me.

"I asked my father why doesn't he take me to the zoo. He said if they want you, they'll come get you."