On the first day of school, the children brought
gifts for their teacher.

The florist's son brought the teacher a
bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the
teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.

"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop
and asked, "Champagne?.

"No," said the little boy..
"It's a puppy


"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis