A man walks into a bar with an octopus and announced, "I have the most talented octupus in the world. He can play any musical instrument superbly. I will give anyone a thousand dollars if he can't play an instrument.

A young lady said, "I have a trumpet. Let's see him play it."

The octupus wrapped a tentacle around the horn and began playing as well as Louie Armstrong. The patrons of the bar cheered.

The bartender said, "How about the piano over there." Immediately, the octopus was pounding the keys with all eight tentacles to create the the sweetest melodies those people ever heard.

Then a Scotsman pushed his way through the crowd and placed a set of bagpipes in front of the beast, and stated, "Let's see if the feller can handle me pipes."

The octopus wrapped the tentacles all over the instrument and rolled it around on the floor, but didn't play a note."

"Har, har, har," laughed the Scotsman as he watched the octopus struggle. "He can't play it!"

The octopus turned to him and said, "Play it? I'm going to f**k it as soon as I can figure out how to take its damn pajamas off."