Wendell was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds... AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!"

The next morning Wendell got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift out in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought in the box, which she hoped contained a car key.

She opened it and found a new bathroom scale.

Wendell has been missing since Friday.

"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis