Originally posted by The Dr. who fixed Lucy:
plawrence has submitted his work for criticism and I will venture it, understanding that I may be hated, flamed or ignored. I hope my observations are taken in the productive way in which they are intended.
Sorry your book was such a big flop, Mr. Weingardner.
BTW, If I PM you with my address, will you send me my $26.95 back?
There is no reason for you to be flamed or ignored. One of the great things about this forum is that we are able to exchange different ideas and points of view in a civilized and mature manner.
Hated? Maybe, you dirty sunovabitch
1. Too many lines from the films.
Keep in mind that this is a sequel, and, as such, must necessarily be derivative and connect to the original to a great extent.
Also, the quotes from the film are offered as exactly that: Quotes. They all appear in quotation marks, and no pretense is made to offer them as original.
The reality, I think, is that in the highly unlikely event that this is ever published, except for screwballs like us the average
Godfather reader/fan has probably only read the book or seen the films maybe once or twice, and probably wouldn't even remember the source of these quotes.
And I think that those who do would appreciate them for what they are, while at the seem time enjoying the fact that they got the "inside jokes"
As far as that being a failing of GF III, I would disagree. The use of quotes and references from the first two films was one of the things that made the film stronger rather than weaker.
But that's strictly a matter of opinion, I guess.
As I said, writing dialogue is not my strong suit. If it were, I might be writing bestsellers for a living.
As far as your "Why does Mike tell Tom?" criticism goes, I think that one might be a bit premature, considering that you don't yet know either the plot or the theme that I'm planning to develop.
"tears welling up".....Yeah, I'll give you that that's a bit trite.
Connie actually thinking that Fredo drowned.......she knew that Mike had killed him and was glossing it over for the sake of old Mike and his health.
Now
that's debatable.
In fact, it has been the subject in the past of some discussion here.
Did Connie know the truth about Fredo's death or not? Was she in denial about the truth? Did she play along with the fiction for the sake of Michael's failing health?
The last of those points may be an original idea on your part, BTW, for which you have my compliments, and if so is a valid point on which to reopen this particular discussion in a thread of its own.
That said, I think that your criticism about Connie's belief or disbelief in the drowning scenario is one that is more properly directed at GF III, especially since you don't yet know how I plan to treat her reaction to Michael telling her about Fredo's "accident".
3. Inaccuracies
Frequent references to Pantangelli as an underboss, when he was a caporegime. Or, if this is intended to reflect an error in the famous FBI chart, some indication that that chart was wrong and that Frankie was an underboss. [Debatable]
No, that's an error on my part. I'll change that when I get around to it
Having said all that:.....I just don't find your style as captivating as Puzo's - it's not engaging or stylish, although the underlying ideas are fantastic.
I consider it a huge compliment rather than a criticism to have my writing style compared to that of
Mario Puzo.
If I were able to write as well as he did, you'd probably be paying to read my work rather than getting it for free on an internet message board.
As far as the underlying ideas go, we've had any number of suggestions, treatments, plot outlines, and scripts for possible GF sequels or Part IV films over the years. Just browse through the GF IV Forum to get an idea.
Some of them were better ideas than mine, some of them probably worse. I just went into a little more detail than most, and used a book format, rather than one for a film, as most of the others did.
All of that said, keep in mind that this was done as a lark, inspired by a dinner conversation, and written on a day when I had nothing to do.
I make no representations that I am in any way, shape, or form a competent author of fiction, and since I think that the commercial value of this project is nil, I probably won't ever finish it.
