One evening a very wealthy and religious old woman, who had lived her whole life in a very innocent and celibate way, caught a cat-burglar inside her home ransacking through her things.
The burglar told her straight out, "Listen lady, you better keep quiet if you don't wanna get hurt. Just show me where all your jewels are."
Scared to death, the old woman replied, "I don't keep them here. They are in the bank, in a safe-deposit box."
He retorted, "Then where's all your silverware?"
She said, "I'm so sorry, but it's all been sent out to be cleaned and polished."
Growing more frustrated by the moment, the thief yelled, "Then give me all your money then!"
"I tell you." she said, "I don't keep any cash or valuables on hand."
Now completely pissed off, he growled, "Listen lady, I'm warning you here and now, you'd better give me your cash or I'm gonna physically rip it off of you!"
He then forcefully grabbed her and started pouring over her body, feeling her up and down, around her waist and from her chest to her legs looking for it.
"I keep trying to tell you," she said, "I don't have and money here! But if you do that again, I promise to write you a check."
