The movies and the novel tell us that Sonny found Tom, as a child, wandering in the streets. He brought Tom home. He was raised in the Corleone home, and Vito treated him like a son, Sonny like a brother. Michael introduced him to Kay as “My brother, Tom Hagen.”

But, was he really “family” to the Corleones?

--Ever notice that Tom never calls Vito “Pop,” as did Sonny and Michael; or “Papa,” as did Fredo, or “Dad,” or “Father.” Nor did he call him “Godfather,” “Don Vito” or “Don Corleone.” In fact, Tom never calls Vito anything—he uses no form of address to the man who supposedly treated him as a son.
--When talking to Sonny, Fredo and Michael—his “brothers"—Tom always refers to Vito as “your father,” not “Pop.” “Your father wouldn’t want to hear this,” he tells Sonny after the shooting, when he wants to launch an all-out war. “They shot my father,” Sonny replies.” Tom tells Sonny, “If your father dies, you make the deal [with Solozzo], Sonny.” He replies: “It’s easy for you to say, he’s not your father.” “I’m as much a son to him as you or Michael.” Says Tom. Sonny just shrugs.
--In the flashback scene at the end of II, after Michael reveals that he’s joined the Marines, Tom says, “Your father and I have discussed your future many times.” Michael gives him the Dreaded Corleone Stare and intones, slowly: “You talked to my father…about my future…?”
--After the Tahoe shooting, Michael, setting up Tom to take over while he goes to Miami, NYC and Havana, says, “You’re my brother, Tom.” Tom practically breaks down in tears: “I always wanted to thought of as a brother by you, Mikey -- a real brother,” which to my ear sounds like Tom never thought Michael regarded him as a brother.

What’s going on here? What do you think?
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