BLACK BART - THE MURDEROUS BANDIT!... - Back in the Wild West, the people of a small town were having a good time at the local saloon, when suddenly a townsman rushed into the saloon and yells, "Everybody better run! The notorious Black Bart, the murderous bandit is a comin' to town!"
Right away everyone started panicking, dropped their drinks, grabbed their ten-gallon hats, and ran out the door as fast as they could. But the bartender noticed that one man was still sitting at a back table, slowly sippin' his beer.
So the barkeep yelled out, "What are you, deaf man? Didn't you hear? Black Bart's on his way! You're better hightail it out of here, and quick!!
But the man casually replied, "Sure, I will. But hold your horses. I just wanna finish this here cold beer first, then I'll be on my way."
The bartender retorted, "Suit yourself man, but I'm gettin' outta here," and the barkeep ran out, leaving him behind.
The cool customer then took his last sip, put down his mug and grabbed his hat, and was about to stand up from the table when he noticed a tall dark stranger, dressed in all black, blocking the saloon's entranceway. He suddenly realized the true danger he was in, and thought to himself, "Well, it looks like this is it, I'm done for".
But instead of the stranger pulling out his six-shooter, the stranger just walked up to him, unzipped his chaps, took his private part out of his pants and then said, "Suck on this, pardner!"
Our hero looked the stranger in the eye, then looked down and saw what the stranger wanted, then looked up again into the stranger's determined eyes and furrowed brow, then glanced down once more at the man's privates.
The beer drinker, who was not gay, was completely repulsed at the stranger's request and scared to comply. But he was even more frightened to think what might happen to him if he didn't, so he dropped to his knees and proceeded to do what the stranger demanded of him.
After a few minutes the stranger said, "Faster man, faster. Suck that thing!"
So the man picked up the pace. But the stranger still wasn't satisfied and demanded he do it even faster, "Come on! Faster! Quick!er! I know you can do better than that!!"
The man, still in fear for his life, but now also pissed off, spit the stranger's private part from his mouth and screamed, "Why the hell do you have to be so damn impatient??"
The tall dark stranger was completely surprised by the beer drinker yelling back at him, retorted, "Impatient? We don't have much time left, so you'd better finish me up quick, pal! Didn't you hear? Black Bart, the murderous bandit is gonna be here any minute now!"
