Here's three more little quips to help you start your day with a smile...(and a little bathroom humor thrown in). lol
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Some food for thought:

I'm a bit perplexed. If money doesn't grow on trees? Then why does every bank have so many branches?
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People wonder why I refer to my toilet as "the Jim" instead of "the John."

I do it so I can say, "I go to the Jim first thing every morning, without fail!"
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Q: What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

A: Wipes his ass.
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Q: How do trees get online?

A: They log in.