My compliments Lenox, on what I consider to be an excellent thread and topic for discussion.
I think you are generally correct on your assessment of wiseguys, or even knock-around guys as fathers. Many don't half give a fuck about the kids. Not that they don't love their children, because the vast majority of them do. it's just that they are so absorbed with street life, that their households (wives and children), end up playing second fiddle to the mob.
The less educated, lower class "cafone" hoodlums so to speak, who were not sharp enough, educated enough, or "evolved" enough, to understand what this life really is, brought their kids full-on into the life. Allowed them to get their hands dirty with blood (thinking it was a great thing), allowed the kids to get fucked up, pinched, and serve jail time. Again, thinking it made the kids "men", etc.
In truth, nothing could have been further from reality. It only served to destroy their family. But because these type of hoodlums were low-class themselves, they didn't see anything wrong with this.
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But some, in fact many, are sharp and astute enough, and "sensitive" enough, to take the proper measures to insulate their kids away from the street life. There have been others that have brought their sons and nephews into the life (either because the kids were clamoring for it, or the fathers thought it was a smart move). But placed their children "in position" to allow them to partake in Cosa Nostra, but "compartmentalize" them for lack of a better word, away from a lot of the shit, which protected them from many of the dangers others were exposed to.
A perfect example of this would have been Carlo Gambino of course, who allowed his sons Tommy and Joe to be active (he even straightened Tommy out), but placed them in the highly insulated activity of the garment industry. They ran extremely lucrative rackets, but were not street urchins dealing with the muck and mire or gritty street rackets, and the dangers that result from that.
Carlo was the boss of course, so this example is an extremely elevated example. But there have been many others; capos, soldiers, and top associates alike, who treated their kids the same way........Very intelligent (if you're gonna allow the kids to get involved at all).
There have been many others of course, who dissuaded their sons and young male relatives from Mafia life altogether. They encouraged them to get a higher education, college, white collar professions likes doctors and lawyers, etc. Or "bought" their kids lucrative businesses in the private sector. Which allowed for two things. It enabled the wiseguys to invest their illicit profits in legit businesses, washing their money. While at the same time, putting their kids into solid businesses and vocations for their futures. With the kids protecting their dads monies as only a blood family member will do.
And you are also correct that the "absence" of a father figure; whether it was because of incarceration, going on the lam, or just being out 24/7 on the streets hustling, fucking broads and partying, often led to the kids feelings disenfranchised as far as role-models went.
Like you guys said, never throwing a baseball with the kid, helped with his homework, spending nights home watching TV and spending quality time, etc., all has an effect on children. To a lesser or greater degree, depending on the way it went as a family dynamic.
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Again, great subject matter Lenox!
