Due To High Crime, Mafia Closes Its Chicago Office

CHICAGO, IL — Today marked the end of an era, as the Mafia announced it was officially closing its Chicago branch due to the rising wave of violent crime in the city.

"We just can't operate under these conditions," said street boss Albert "Albie the Falcon" Vena, speaking on behalf of Salvatore "Solly D" DeLaurentis, who has run the Chicago organization since 2021. "How are we supposed to conduct respectable business — loan sharking, bribery, racketeering, illegal gambling — with so much crime going on? It's insane!"

The Windy City has long been known for its organized crime operations, dating back even before the days of Al "Scarface" Capone in the 1920s Prohibition Era. Today's mobsters now lament the difficulty they face in doing horrible things behind the scenes in the city while so many even more horrible things are being done in broad daylight. "One of our best leg-breakers got his legs broken by a gang of 40 high schoolers last week," said organization member Frank "Toots" Caruso. "They recorded it and put it on TikTok. We just don't feel safe around here. I'm afraid to just walk down the street!"

Rising crime rates in Chicago have become a staple under Democrat leaders, resulting in skyrocketing numbers of violent crimes and shooting deaths, despite the city having some of the strictest gun laws in the nation. "You think we're gonna be out there working?" asked Nicholas "Jumbo" Guzzino. "Are you kidding me? I don't wanna get shot!"

At publishing time, members of the Chicago "Outfit" had successfully packed up and were on their way out of town before being mugged on their way to the airport.

https://babylonbee.com/news/due-to-high-crime-mafia-closes-its-chicago-office

LOL. Thats very funny. And unfortunately, so true! Its a sorry state of affairs.

Yeah they are headed to Florida and red states where the suckers live The right is a great racket - look at Bannon and all these guys who just keep pulling scams. The mob probably is getting into this sooner or later.

The right has it right. Look at what a shit hole chicago and other liberal cities have become. 53 shootings in Chicago alone last weekend. All black on black of course but no one talks about it. Black communities are the most violent but liberals are afraid to do anything about it. They talk they they are compassionate but then let blacks slaughter each other.

You rural assholes really need a lesson in what inner cities looked like in the 70s/80s/90s. Chicago's murder rate has declined. It's much safer now than when the Outfit was around. Half you fox news assholes don't remember what the projects were - you couldn't walk west of rush street in the 1980s or you would get robbed and killed in Cabrini Green. I don't get why hating on Chicago from a trailer in Mississippi or Alabama really does other than distract from your own poverty and lack of jobs - and all these shootings in TX and TN that's whites shooting whites lol - and those are white kids dying who are younger than the gangbangers here in Chicago. Congrats Cletus. Maybe Trump will sign your hat.

I needed a good laugh. Agree ChiTown, the 70s and 80s were the most violent in Chicago. Part of the 90s as well. 2020's might become a violent decade for Chicago all depends on many factors. Most of what I have heard and read is it is mostly black on black crime. Garfield park and Englewood have always been dangerous, but I was suprised at South Shore and Lawndale, yes those have had violent crime in the past but what I have heard it has gotten out of hand, the few people I knew in South Shore have moved out, two going out of state.

You can talk about the 80’s and 90’s all you want, that doesnt obscure the fact that chicago and other liberal cities are total shit holes where violent black thugs run rampant.

Total shit holes that have single blocks valued at 100 times your whole entire hick town

Most of us 'city folk' up here in Chicago get more annoyed by southern white trash than 'blacks' - bc there isn't an excuse to ride around a Walmart in a scooter bc your too fat to walk like these MAGA idiots - people in these rural areas have no self respect and its sad. Most of the racist assholes down there are popping pills and trying to marry guns. All this 'Chicago Hate' does is distract you from your own issues - violence in Florida cities for example, far worse and its white on white or hick on hick as I like to say.

As someone who lived in Chicago for mostly my whole life, I cannot tell you how happy I am to be out of there now, especially since they somehow out did themselves and elected someone even more incompetent than Lightfoot as Mayor. This will only expedite the mass exodus that's already occurring up there. Sad what's happened to what was once a great city. Going to end up being a shell of itself in the next decade or so.

Chicago is the shit hole of America. The problem is the black culture somehow thinks its ok to have a baby at 17 with no structure or discipline in the household. 75% of all blacks are born out of wedlock. When that stops, so will the shootings. The ball is in their court.
Its 2023, get with the fuckin program.

After growing up in my little hick town in Florida and now I see everyone coming here in droves from all of the libtard cities, it makes me happy to see individuals like Chi Town staying where they belong. Everyone's welcome, just leave your Chicago in Chicago, New York in New York, etc... We have a good thing here, don't fuck it up. One thing I agree with that Chi town said was the wal-mart scooter scenario. That's not everywhere here, but you can bet your ass you'll see it in my town, new port richey, and Brooksville.

Guess who pays for your hurricane FEMA cleanup down there in Florida? Blue States - we should be able to vacation for free down there You guys owe us money.

Odds this guy's daughter is dating a black guy? The guys screaming about this shit are always the ones experiencing it - that Ted Haggard syndrome.

That's wonderful Chi Town. Thank you for your help. You sound like a class act. You should have a holiday named after you.

I do it's on January 6 where every MAGA asshole in Florida is reminded of their child-like militia movement. Did you know Florida has the highest per capita density of sex offenders in any state of the union? Even though Jacksonville has a higher murder rate than Chicago, I would bet most of you assholes would prefer gangbangers to pedos lol. Keep braggin' Cletus! It's all liberals along the coasts, keeping your economy afloat.

Fuck that. That pales in comparison to 3 months of rioting, robbing, murder, and shooting that took place because of some useless thug names george floyd who was a waste of air.

So how long has your daughter been dating her black boyfriend? Sounds like they must be serious. Think you will be a racist fuck against your grandkids or just on the internet like a tough guy?

Maybe let's delete this thread? Getting way off the rails.

Agreed.

Finally, we all agree on something. Anyone who knows me, knows I light up the racists - but sorry all the same fellas. Chicago has changed a lot - and I'm not happy with a lot - but it ain't going nowhere.

this thread is locked.