A TGIF giggle...
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The three stages of life:

1. Birth
2. What the FUCK is this?
3. Death

HE WAS SO CRABBY!
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A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

He advised her that he was gonna hold her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and then proceed to rant at her about what would happen if she dared let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was very annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."

Not one single hand went up...so she took them home and ate them!

Sunday Shenanigans!...
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The head nun of a convent tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So one nun says to the other, "Hey, what do you say, let's take all our clothes off and fold them up neatly, just lock the door, and we'll paint in the nude?

So they do this, and begin to paint their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

The voice says, "Blind man!"

The nuns look at one another, then one says, "He's blind. He can't even see. What could it hurt?" So they let him in.

The blind man walks in, smiles and says, "Hey, great set of tits you got there. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Whacky Wednesday...
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After receiving direct orders from Police Headquarters, the Commanding Officer of Police Precinct 212 ordered an immediate crackdown on all neighborhood prostitutes. He instructed his patrolmen, while out on their shifts, to keep their eyes open for any signs of women prostituting themselves.

Less than a half-hour later, cops stopped a young woman riding her bicycle and quickly placed her under arrest for promoting prostitution.

Later at her arraignment, she told the judge that she tried protesting but the arresting officers said, "That they had seen me pedaling my ass all over town!"
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Have a good gentlemen!

Sunday Shenanigans...
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The Sicilian rescue squad was called to the palatial estate of an elderly mob boss for an apparent heart attack the mafioso had had.

By the time the squad got there it was too late and the mafioso had died.

While consoling the mistress, one of the recusers noticed that the bed was a mess.

He asked the young woman what symptoms "Don Vito" had suffered and if anything had precipitated the old man's heart attack.

The sultry mistress replied, "Well, Vito and I were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming...but I guess he was going!"
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Lol, Hope everybody enjoys their Sunday!

Tell the truth fellas, this was one funny friggin joke! I crack myself up sometimes...I really do. lol


Happy Sunday!

I guess if ya gotta go, we'd all wanna go like Don Vito, no?

Out with a smile while on the saddle! Lol

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ATTEND MASS!...
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One Palm Sunday, a little boy named Peppino had a sore throat and had to stay home from church with his babysitter. When the rest of his family returned home, they were carrying palm branches. Little Peppino asked his papa what they were for?

His father, Don Vito, explained to him that the townspeople held them over Jesus' head as he walked by.

In a sad, disappointed voice, the little boy replied, "Wouldn't you know it! The one Sunday I miss, Jesus shows up!"
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For those of you who celebrate...Happy Palm Sunday!

. Happy Palm Sunday!

A Thursday Giggle
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Martial Secrets......

A husband always insisted on making love to his wife in the dark.

After 20 years, his wife decided she'd had enough of this and decided to turn on a light during one of their sex romps. She found him holding a huge vibrator.

She immediately went ballistic, screaming, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?"

Her husband looked her straight in the eyes and calmly retorted, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

Saturday's Shenanigans...
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The Mafia Commission decided to reduce the amount of killings it orders so as to keep a lower profile and avoid police investigations.

To this end, mob bosses have actually increased the ruthless nature of usurious loan collection methods, ordering all loan-sharks to employ more torturous ways of collecting the weekly "vig" on outstanding loans.

They've passed the order to their strong-arm men to always use sharp, pointy needles to torture debtors so that tremendous pain can be inflicted without actually killing their victims.

Oddly enough, this line of thinking has worked. Underworld informants now report that all borrowers now repay their loans promptly....which had led to much fewer pointless murders.
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ButtonGuys wants to wish everyone who celebrates, a very healthy and Happy Easter!

And to our Jewish friends, a very healthy and Happy Passover!

My close friend is a Jew married to a Catholic. I just got off the phone and wished them a "Blessed Passover" and "Happy Easter" :-)

While examining the recently deceased corpse of former Sicilian Mafia boss Girolamo Minore, the attending mortician noticed that Minore had the largest penis he'd ever seen on a man.

"I'm very sorry, Don Minore," respectfully replied the mortician to his expired subject, "But I can't send 'all' of you to be cremated with such a tremendously large penis such as this. Your penis, my dear mafioso friend, must be saved for posterity."

The mortician then proceeded to remove Minore's penis. He then slid it into a long jar and placed it in his briefcase. When he got home, he decided to show the unique specimen to his wife.

"My dear, I have something to show you that you're not gonna believe, even with your own eyes," he said. The smiling mortician then removed the jar from his briefcase and placed it directly in front of his wife.

She took one glance, the blood immediately drained from her face, and she screamed out, "Oh dear God, no, Minore is dead!"

An Easter "Special"
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A man, his wife, and his extremely annoying mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law had a sudden heart attack and passed away.

The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped back home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150."

The man thought about it for a few minutes and then replied, "A man died here about 2000 years ago. He was buried here and then three days later, he rose from the dead."

"I just can't take that chance!"
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We thought this was so cute, that we just had to share it with all of you.

HAPPY EASTER!

A Tuesday Tickler....
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THE PRIEST & THE TAXI DRIVER

A Catholic Priest and a taxi driver both died and went to Heaven. Saint Peter was there at the pearly gates waiting for them.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could possibly imagine, from a bowling alley to an Olympic sized swimming pool.

"Oh my word, thank you so much," exclaimed the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack that held only a bunk bed and a small black-n-white television set.

Saint Peter turned to leave, but the priest cried out, "Wait, I think you are a little mixed up here. Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all, I was a priest, devotedly went to church every single day, and preached God's word!"

"Yes, that's all true." replied Saint Peter. "But during your Sunday sermons the people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!"
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Happy Tuesday GBB!

A "TGIF" Joke....
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There has always been hot debate about who is thought to be America's most notorious assassin.

But ultimately, after experts examined all the statistics, Lee Harvey Oswald was said to have won by a long shot.
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Enjoy the day and the upcoming weekend folks....

Saturday Shenanigans...
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Q: What do Rednecks from the South and Bostonians have in common?

A: They both hate the Yankees!

Q: What's Dracula's least favorite day of the week?

A: Sunday!




Its Sunday folks...So turn that frown upside down and smile!

Hope everyone enjoys the day.

A little chuckle to start our week...
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Little Frankie was walking along the beach one day when he spotted a dirty corked-up bottle wash up on the shoreline.

Out of curiosity he picked it up and rubbed it clean.

A Genie suddenly appeared, and said, "Little boy, thank you letting me out of this bottle. It seems I've been trapped in here forever. To show my gratitude, I will grant you one wish of your choosing....any wish at all"

Little Frankie thought for a moment about how poor his family was, and then asked, "Please make my daddy win Lotto!"

The Genie replied, "Your wish is my command!"

Two days later, Little Frankie came into his house all excited and yelled out to his mommy and daddy, "Our landscaper Joe just won $10 million dollars on the lottery!"

Tuesday thoughts...
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During the course of history it's been proven that most countries throughout the world have the Mafia.

But in the Soviet Union, the Mafia have the country.

Whacky Wednesday Chuckles...
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How can you tell if there's a Russian at a cockfight?

He brings a parakeet and enters it into the fight.

How can you tell if the Russian Mafia operates the cockfight?

He bets everything he has on the parakeet.

How can you tell if Putin is at the cockfight?

The parakeet wins!

Good Morning Folks...

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The Feds have recently discovered a sophisticated new racket that's fast becoming the rage among various crime families throughout the nation.

An FBI spokesman stated the Mafia has established a company that's selling food franchises to investors under the catchy theme "Happy Days" Restaurants that authorities are now investigating for paying existing investors with new investors money.

The U.S. Justice Department is referring to this as the world's first "Fonzie Scheme.'

I'm not saying you're stupid

I'm just saying you have very bad luck when it comes to thinking

Q; How do make an 80 year old woman scream "Fuck" in a roomful of Nuns?
A: Yell "Bingo"

TGIF...
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Two undercover narcs out on patrol approached a suspected drug dealer they spotted hanging on a street corner.

The lead cop commented to the suspect, "We're looking for a drug dealer, and you fit the description we've been given."

The dealer replied, "Thats great. I'm glad you found me. What can I get for you fellas?"

Just for Shit-n-Giggles....
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A U.S. Army drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away he turned to the cadet and said, "I'm guessing that when I die you'll come and dance on my grave, huh maggot?"

But the young cadet quickly retorted back, "Not me Sarge, No way! No how! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
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Hope everybody has a very nice day for themselves...

Some Sunday Shenanigans...
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Q: If Sunday and Monday ever got into a fist fight, who do you think would win?

A: Why Sunday, of course!...Monday is a weak day.

Monday Madness...
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THE THREE NUNS

Three Italian nuns die and go to Heaven.

At the pearly gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that The Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and become anyone you wish to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren."

And "poof" she's gone!

The second nuns says, "I'd like to be Madonna."...and 'poof' she's gone too!

The third nun says, "I want to be Alberta Pipalini."

Looking perplexed, St. Peter asked her, "Who's that?"

"Alberta Pipalini," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry sister, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

So the nun reaches into her habit and pulls out a newspaper clipping and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and then starts laughing. He hands the news clipping back to her and says, "No sister, the article says it was the 'Alberta Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

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Have a nice day fellas!

A Tuesday Tickle...
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THE PIANO PLAYER!.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he's sipping on his beer he notices a tiny piano and a very little man standing beside it. The little fellow soon starts playing the piano beautifully.

The man cannot believe his eyes.

Curious, the man asks the bartender, "Where did you get that little piano player from?"

The bartender smiles and then replies, "Oh, I have a genie in the back room who can grant any wish. Wanna give it a try pal?

Excited, the man rushes to the back and finds the genie. "I want a million bucks!," he exclaims.

The genie nods and suddenly disappears into thin air. Within seconds, the bar is filled with loud quacking sounds.

The man looks around to find a million ducks flying into the bar and making a huge mess.

Now frustrated and all covered in feathers, the man storms back to the bartender yelling, "What the hell is wrong with you man? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The bartender shrugs his shoulders and says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

Whacky Wednesdays....For those who enjoy getting a little buzz on.
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Q: How do fish get high?

A: Seaweed
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Here's another...

Q: What do grapes say after they're stepped on?

A: Nothing. They just let out a little wine.
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Enjoy your Wednesday fellas....