What do teenage Arab boys like to do on Saturday night?
Park their camels under palm trees and eat their dates.

I bumped into a friend of mine who said someone’s been trying to hack into his computer. So as a precaution, he changed all his logins passwords to one single, unique word, “Kenny”

He now feels very secure with all his Kenny logins.

LOL,now that's a groaner.

LOL....for somebody, anyway. LOL

Amazon just announced that from now on, if you login into their website during holiday sales, you MAY save up to 70%…..But I’m advising that if you don’t login, you will DEFINITELY save a full 100%

Why do sex offenders rarely get speeding tickets?

Because they always make sure to drive nice and slow through school zones

Sad-Sack Sam is tellin’ you right here and now, that whoever stole his computer login, he’ll find you…You have his word!

I was watching the TV news this morning, and the weatherman reported that so far, we've been having an absolutely frigidly cold winter this year.

Apparently, it's been so cold out, that lawyers have been walking around with their hands in their own pockets.

What does a sperm cell have in common with a lawyer?
They both have a hundred fifty million to one chance of becoming a human being.

Someone's been attempting to break into our computer system lately. They’ve literally tried entering thousands of silly login passwords and ridiculous combinations, on a succession of days…with absolutely no success whatsoever.

But this last attempt must have really left them frustrated, not to mention very embarrassed. After they entered the word “penis” the computer system immediately kicked it back with the response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH

PS: Afterwards, they must have been mumbling to themselves, "How the heck did it know?"

I got very disappointed the other day. I spent 20 bucks on a book called "Making it Big".
Turns out it was about money.

My friend just installed a very high-tech toilet bowl in his restaurant thats connected to Wi-Fi. And almost immediately he received a notification that read….”It seems there’s been an unexpected log in."

A Monday Morning Chuckle...


I predict that in the Middle East, eventually, there'll be only one country and The Persian Gulf

....Just Kuwait and sea

Lol

"Some people are so cheap, that their wallet is like an onion...each time they have to open it up, it makes them cry."

Q: Why did the restaurant manager hire a Porky Pig?

A: Because he was good at bacon.

My uncle is so cheap that every time he takes a dollar out of his wallet, George Washington puts on sunglasses.

How can you tell the difference between a regular computer nerd and a computer nerd with a degenerate BDSM fetish?

…Just ask him what a dungeon master is.

What kind of footwear do fake friends like to wear best?


...Sneakers!

A Tuesday chuckle...
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Q: Why are circumcisions so inexpensive in Israel?

A: Because rabbis work for tips.

Mohammed asked his daughter, "How did you escape out of Iraq?

His daughter Fatimah, "I ran"

A new company recently opened in Upstate New York. They advertise to farmers they come and clean up the feces of their livestock. They call themselves WPB, Inc., an abbreviation for, “We Push Bullshit.”

PS: My understanding is that they'll also provide you a free booklet, about how you too, can push bullshit if you so desire.

THE SUGAR BOWL...

One day, Mrs. Esposito came to visit her son Anthony to have dinner.

Anthony lived with a female roommate named Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty her son's roommate was. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mother's thoughts, Anthony replied, "I know what you must be thinking mama, but I assure you, Maria and I are just platonic roommates.''

About a week later, Maria approached Anthony and softly broached the question, "Anthony, ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't think she would take it, do you?"

"I seriously doubt it, but I'll email her anyway and ask just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email...

"Dear Mama, I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house, and I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it's been missing ever since you were here for dinner...Your Loving Son, Anthony"
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A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his mama which read:

"My dear Anthony, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she certainly would have found the sugar bowl by now...Your Loving Mama
---

The moral of the story is...Never try and "Boo Sheeta" you Mama!

Why do Jewish women love circumcised men ?
They get 10 percent off.
What's a Jewish woman's favorite wine?
I wanna go to Miaaaaaaaaaami !!

A Friday Funny...


"Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bicycle every morning?"


..."Yeah, It seems it was a vicious cycle."

“THE ITALIAN BUSINESS CONFERENCE”


A woman had to go to Italy for a business conference, so her husband drove her to the airport.

"Thank you, honey", she said.

She asked him, ”What would you like me to bring back to you from Italy?”

He laughed at her question and replied, "A beautiful Italian girl!"

A few days later the conference was over, so she flew back to JFK Airport in New York, where she was met by her husband at the airport.

As he was helping her with her luggage, he asked, "So, honey, how was your trip?"

"Very good," she replied.

Teasing her, he commented, ”And what happened to my little present?"

A bit confused by his question, she asked him, “What present?"

“You know, the one I you asked for - the Italian girl.” He continued.

"Oh, that," she said. "Well, I did the best I could. Now we’ll just have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."
--


Have a nice fellas!

I was at the local travel agency the other day reading about different countries to visit. And I must say, tourists who have visited Syria give it very nice reviews.

In fact, everyone says they were blown away.

THE WORLD WOMENS DAY CONFERENCE


At the World Women’s Day Conference, the first speaker, who was from England, came up to the podium to address the assembled crowd: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and informed my husband Nigel that I would no longer cook for him, and that from now on he would have to do it all himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But by the third day I saw that he had took to the stove and cooked a wonderful roasted lamb."

The entire audience of women stood up and cheered her….

Then the second speaker, from America, came to the podium and stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband Ken that I would no longer do his laundry, and that from now on he would have to wash and fold it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But by the third day, I saw that he had done his laundry, and not only that, but he had done my wash as well."

Once again, the wildly enthusiastic audience stood up and applauded her speech….

Then the third speaker, a woman from Southern Italy, walked up to the podium and spoke: "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband Peppino that I would no longer do his shopping, and that from that day forward he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But by the third day, I was able see a little bit out of my left eye."
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Happy Sunday folks!

A Tuesday Chuckle...


Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead."

Why don’t eggs tell jokes to one another?

Because they're afraid they'd crack each other up!