Did you hear about the Italian who went to law school but couldn't pass the bar exam?
They questioned him for three hours,but he wouldn't tell them shit.

Here's one of my all time favorites.
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Young Maria just got married and being the traditional Italian girl that she was, Maria was still a virgin. On their wedding night, the newlywed couple stayed at her mother's home. Maria was very nervous about her first big night with her new husband. But her mother assured her, saying, "don't worry Maria, Vito is a good and gentle man. Now go upstairs and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs Vito first took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria quickly ran down the stairs back to her mother, "mama, mama, Vito's got such a big hairy chest."

"Don't worry Maria," said her mother. "All good men have hairy chests. Go back upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got into the bedroom Vito took off his pants exposing his muscular hairy legs. Again, down she ran back to mama. "Mama, mama, Vito took off his pants and he's got such hairy legs."

"Don't worry about it Maria," exclaimed his mother, "All good men have hairy legs. Vito is a wonderful guy. A very good man. Now go back upstairs and let him take care of you as a husband should."

So although a bit hesitant, Maria ran upstairs again. When she returned into their bedroom Vito proceeded to remove his socks, and Maria quickly noticed that he was missing three toes on his left foot. When she saw this, Maria ran downstairs once more.

"Mama, mama, Vito's got a foot and a half"

When her mother heard this, she quickly took off her apron, put down her wooden spoon, and responded to her daughter, "You stay down here and keep stirring the pasta, this is a job for your mama!"

As it should be. Lol

Giuseppe, an Italian businessman who was on his deathbed called his good friend to his side and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me one thing. When I finally die you'll have my body cremated."

Luigi looked at his friend puzzled and replied, "And what do you want me to do with your ashes?"

Giuseppe replied, "Just pour them into an envelope and mail my remains to the IRS. You can write on the envelope, "Now you have everything!"

An Italian family was sitting around the dinner table one evening when the family patriarch turned to his oldest son and asked, "Vito, why are you so fucking fat?"

Vito replied, "Poppa, I can't help it. Momma's meatballs are so delicious that I can't stop eating them!"

Poppa then said, "Well maybe you should start taking smaller bites then."

Poppa then turned to his middle son and asked him the same question, "Anthony, why are you such a fat fuck like your brother Vito?"

Anthony quickly replied to his father, "I'm so sorry poppa but its momma's Lasagna. I can't stop eating it because its so friggin good!"

His poppa then quickly pointedly scolded him saying, "Maybe you should also take smaller bites then as well, huh Anthony??"

Then poppa turned to his youngest son and asked, "Fredo, how do you stay so very slim and trim?"

Fredo replied, "It's easy poppa, I just make sure to eat lots and lots of pussy daily.

Poppa frowned and said, "Pussy? Pussy tastes like a shit!

Fredo was quick to reply, "Poppa, then maybe YOU should start taking smaller bites!"

Q: Why did the mafioso cross the road?

A: ....Forgaddabouttit!

Vito and Giovanni.....

A Sicilian farmer named Vito went out and purchased a new strong young rooster for his farm named Giovanni. And as soon as he brought him back to the farm the young rooster started rushing around the yard screwing all 100 of the farmers young hens. The farmer was very impressed to say the least.

At lunchtime, young Giovanni pranced around and screwed all 100 hens once more! The Sicilian farmer is not just impressed any longer, he's actually worried now. Especially after the following morning when he saw the horny rooster start screwing all the turkeys, ducks, and he even tried mounting a cow.

Later that same day Vito gazed out into the barnyard and found "Giovanni the Rooster" all stretched out on his back, limp as a rag doll, his eyes closed, dead, with a band of vultures circling him up above in the sky.

Vito ran out and looked down at his young rooster's limp body and said, "You deserved it, you horny bastardo!"

Just then Giovanni slightly opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, "Shhhh!, they'd just about to come down and land."

Is it true that Vincent Gigante would make you an offer he couldn't remember ?

Without a doubt. (unless it had to do with money you owed him) Lol

Jeeeez...
On the Belt Pkwy by the Verrazano Bridge, New Yawkers don't pronounce their r's. The doity boids eat the doity woims off the doity coib on toity toid & toid.

Lol, so true

Did you hear about Meyer Lansky's nervous breakdown ? He saw a sign in a restaurant window that said "free ham".

I used to date a girl that was so dumb,she thought Cheerios were doughnut seeds.

She thought Moby Dick is a sexually transmitted disease.

She thought LBJ is Spanish for oral sex.

Her nickname was "pinata" because you had to be blindfolded to hit it.

Her sister's nickname was "Titanic" because over a thousand men went down on her.

Q: What's an innuendo?

A: An Italian suppository.

I thought her sister's nickname was"Doorknob" because evrryone got a turn :-)

HEAVEN & HELL....

HEAVEN is where:

The police are British
The chefs are Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
and its all organized by the Swiss

HELL is where:

The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
and its all organized by the Italians (unless of course its "organized" crime)

I dated a girl who was really nice,but never stopped talking.
I nicknamed her "parole" because she never let anyone finish a sentence.

What's a bigamist?
A fog in Italy.

What do you call dirty Italian poetry?
Vice-a versa.

LOL, I like that

You, me, and FOH (and CNote) seem to be the only ones around here with a funny-bone. What's that all about guys? Lol

Nobody else has a joke to tell? Or nobody has a sense of humor?

Here’s one....since you have now declared yourself the master of ceremonies when it comes to jokes and everyone on this boards sense of humor

NYMAFIA and his “girlfriend” are about to have sex but she stops him


Then he says “why don’t you love me”


She says “ I don’t know if I love u , I just met you”


Then she says “But it’s 730am and I have class in 30mins and I don’t wanna miss my first day of high school”


Hahahahha .....don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’m just breaking balls and making jokes, original jokes not ones stolen from Gunner Lindbloom one day after he posts them...

A Chinese couple is in bed asleep.
The husband elbows the wife in her side and when she wakes up he says "I want 69"
The wife replies "it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you want beef and broccoli ?"

Lol. Gotta say pal, you're giving me a run for my money. Lol. Thats was a cute one.

That's hilarious :-) :-) :-)

Definitely!

You just can’t stop insulting people can you NYMAFIA...

The Seven Deadly Sins, Louienochi. "The Seven deadly sins!" You seem to have nearly every one of them down pat, don't you little man? Especially Envy and Jealousy, uncontrolled Anger, Lusting after what others have and you obviously do not, and Sloth. During this holy month I strongly suggest you go to a church or a synagogue and atone for these sins of yours (and others I'm pretty certain you're guilty of as well). It might just make a man and a gentleman out of you. Or a lady out of you. Whatever the case may be!

Are you Jimmy Swaggart now? I feel like any minute you're gonna start posting bible verses. Please take your meds today

Looks as though my Gangster Giggles has made the little puttana's ass wiggle! LOL

Now your referring to men as Putanas and that your making they’re “ass wiggle”. You really are a sick fuck, god knows what your about behind closed doors but I think I have an idea....
And hahaha “your gangster giggles” is that what you call reposting Gunner Lindblooms jokes??

Q: Just as a Tsunami was about to hit the beach where they were standing with their backs to the water, what did the photographer say to his photography clients just before he snapped their picture?

A: Wave!

Question: What are we Italian New Yorkers referring to when we call somebody "a DD"

Answer: "A Disappointed Dunsky"

I bet some of you thought I was gonna say, "Attention Deficit Disorder" huh? Lol
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A "DD" .... I love that phrase! I really do. For me it conjures up in my mind every jerk-off and loser I've ever run into. Gotta love these little NYC quips and street phrases no? I know I do.

Buona Notte Gentlemen. Tomorrow is another day at the ranch as they say. And I gotta get my beauty rest.