LOS ANGELES - 2004

We enter a little bar in the City of Angels as two figures cower in their little booth, each sipping their shot of poison, speaking in whispers.

"You what?!?"

"Rusty, I have the next brilliant gig for the gang. We will rob a Las Vegas casino-"

"Umm Danny, didn't we do that already, you know, we knocked out THREE casinos?!!?"

"Yeah we did, and made a ton of dough from it as I fondly remember, but here is what is different. Instead of a greaseball egotistical casino owner like Terry Bennedict that we have to worry about, this casino is owned by the Italian mob."

"Eh?"

"Well Eh, because stored under this casino, the Tangiers Casino to be exact, in its vault is $50 million worth of Nazi/Italian gold that the Italian mob had smuggled from Europe during WW2 and after Mussolini got toppled. Only a few people know about its existance outside of the mob, and you and me are the new members!"

"Wait, gold?!?! Umm, sounds good to me, but...wait, there is something you aren't telling me, aren't you?"

"Well we don't have to worry about a super-ridiculously shoddy security system, though an adequete system does protect that vault. Neverless, its a man we gotta worry about....a tough bastard it seems...."

MEANWHILE, IN LAS VEGAS, NEVADA.....

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"Yeah Ace, its what my little birdie told me"

"Nicky Santuro, my friend, you are saying the same gang of thugs that stole Bennedict's 3 casinos a few years back plan to steal the secret contents of the vault under MY casino?!?"

"Indeed, but what is in that vault anyway Ace?"

"Beats me, the bosses never told me whats in it, and I got the impression to not even dare asking about it."

"Figures!"

"Okay, so whats the name of this punk theif anyway?"

"Ya my pals tell me that its a certain Danny Ocean..."

"Nicky, the same Danny Ocean that performed at the Sands Hotel years back?!?!"

"Umm no, you're confusing this punk with the Ocean that hang out with Sammy Davis Jr., Dean Martin, and his boys and sang/drank all night all those decades ago"

"Oh, well when this stupid punk and his squad, if they are stupid enough to do so, try to rob MY casino, I'll f*cking bury those cockroaches!"

"Where did you hear that last part?"

"Oh sorry Nicky, I was just on the phone with that Cuban druglord in Miami. A total spick of a toilet bug, but damn entertaining"

"Of course, now lets go and whack these dickheads!"

-------------------------------------

Okay boys and girls, will Danny Ocean and his pack of 10 other theives from OCEAN'S 11 sly by Sam 'Ace' Rothstein from CASINO and get the gold or will, after Ace is done with this one short of a dozen, director Steven Soderbergh have to direct a new sequel called OCEAN'S 11 GRAVES OUT IN A CORNFIELD?

You tell me, then explain why with (hopefully) a logical argument.

Well, after never seeing Oceans 11.....if Ace told the boss what he heard was going to be happening, then I would say no way. I still will say no way, because Nicky and Ace will probably get ahold of them and bury them.

i haven't seen Ocean 11 either so I'm beating that the mob is gonna wipe the floor with the Ocean Crew, I mean Danny Ocean is probably gonna wind up with his head in a vice if he goes any where near the Tangiers. So my money is on Ace and Nicky. By the way the scarface reference was funny, nice touch, it added to a wonderfully written story.

Don Leporeleone, Thanks for the VERY kind words.

Really, the OCEAN'S 11 remake is quite a fun, stylish popcorn flick(those last two words notoriusly being tossed around way too much with the crappy movies that has been playing at my local cineplex lately).

Anyway, I plan to do something different. Instead of explaining who I think would come out triumphant and why, I'll present an argument for the Ocean's 11 gang, then in the next post I'll write up my "Counter-Argument". Feedback, positive or worthy of being WHACKED over, would be welcomed.

WHO WILL WIN?

I love Ace. You all love Ace. Hell, I bet ya even the Pope digs Ace, but hes overwhelmed on this occasion.

Fact is, let's look at the numerical game:
Ace + Nicky = 2
OCEAN'S 11 = 11

Subtract and you get a 9-point advantage in terms of manpower that Ocean has under his command.
Second, we know that Nicky is a little rotten gummy worm. The fact that Ace already suspects that Nicky is playing the Pool Boy with his junky wife, not to mention that he's suspecting that Nicky is trying to whack him as well. Besides, I bet ya Mr. Ocean will even "leak" the contents of the vault to Nicky in order to throw more brown sticky stuff at the fan. This even more chaotic mess behind closed doors , as Nicky and Ace's wife get the idea of getting the gold himself will distract Ace as Mr. Ocean will leave Vegas with enough gold that even Goldfinger would be envy.

Lets also note that Danny OCean is a sophisticated team leader/bank robber that was able to defeat a security system that is "equate to those on nuclear silos" - Wow. I mean you think a tough not-so-physically-fit mob man will be much of a threat to Ocean's gang? Jeez. Also with his gang of specialty-role boys, he'll mislead and confuse Ace and Nicky long enough to get the gold out, and disgrace those two along the way.

COUNTER-ARGUMENT:

Gracie! Ace will stop Danny Ocean and his gang and find a way to hawk George Clooney's severed head, once outside of the vase, on eBay. Why?

Yes Ocean's 11 defeated that top security system, the armed guards, and Tony Bennedict. They are undisputed facts, but how it was done is forgotten.

First, the system was obviously installed by an egotistical greaseball that felt that money can buy anything, including believing that there is an ultimate security system. First, a strike against one arrogant fool. Second, he started Ocean's need to rob the 3 casinos because he was sharing martinis with Ocean's ex-wife. Third, Bennedict's guards were pathetic. Besides not noticing the obvious electronical-re-wiring by one of the boys, and also those 2 bodyguards not even BOTHERING to check on OCean as he was "supposedly" being given a new bloody kidney by some biker thug. Incompetence!

Now Ace, he truely has the right stuff in terms of his qualities matching his nickname. A man that survived a car bombing, was able to keep his cool and not rat/scam his bosses all while his wife was stealing right under him and was twirling the backhairs of ole Nicky, and came out a survivor and unlike the star of GOODFELLAS, he didn't need to go into witness protection service. Besides, Ace knows Las Vegas like a pet. He(the real-life Ace at least) hosted a local talk show at the Tangiers Casino and had frequent appearances by the local celebrities like Sinatra and many others, and was obviously, while a tough mother f*cker, he was able to keep close ties with his pals. This is also important because most of the OCEAN'S 11 boys are celebrities, and that rare sub-species stick with their own kind, so Ace will get heads up on what is happenning or how the robbery is gonna go down when Mr. Ocean has one two many beers and spatters away the schematics. Another good advantage for Ace is the Sinatra Factor. I mean Frank Sinitra DID play the original Mr. Ocean, so he'll give ole Ace some tips and help. Besides, Ole Blue Eye's connection to the mob will help Ace out in the numbers game.

Finally, Ace isn't an ego-maniac wafflehead like Bennedict was. He'll keep his calm, observe and locate with his shark-like intelligence, and then find the hotel that Ocean and his boys are staying at and will go pay a visit....