Post deleted by Partagas

I'm very much offended.

This is absolutely my kind of humor... :p

Aw I'd love to work in a zoo.

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week (This is one pretty sharp boss!)

When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other
products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.


About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.
The top ten were:
10.Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1 This is your winkie. This is your winkie on drugs

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his butt.

Not sure if i can get away wih this one, but here goes anyway!!!

In a recent survey into Blow Jobs and why men like them so much,
6%liked the feeling,
12% liked the excitement,and
82% just liked the Peace and Quiet!!!

Jack and Jill are playing Hide & Seek. Jill says ''If you find me you can lick my P*ssy and F*ck me up he ass. If you you can't, i'll be in the garden shed!!!''

If this thread wasn't called "Dirty Jokes" then I might have a bigger problem with those being your first two posts here. :p Hopefully it won't start a trend, tho...

Does anyone think these kind of girls actually exist?

Does anyone think these kind of girls actually exist? [/b][/quote]ummmmmmmmm YEAH. Someone obviously doesn't read Penthouse Forum :rolleyes:

Penthouse? What is that? :p

Subject: Brokeback Cowboy

A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming, goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, "I am not going to beat around the bush, You have AIDS."

The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc, what can i do?"

The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage,20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?

"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."

A guy was in the line at the supermarket, when he
noticed a beautiful blonde woman smiling and waving at him. So he says,
"Do
I know you?" She replies. "I may be mistaken, but I think you may be
the father of one of my children."

Instantly his mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been
unfaithful. "Crap!" he says. "Are you the stripper
from my bachelor party that I had sex with on top of Joe's pool table
in front of all my buddies while your girlfriend spanked me with a wet
celery stick and stuck a cucumber up my butt?"

"No" she replies quietly. "I'm your daughter's second
grade teacher."

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a
young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on
top of her, kisses he r neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's
probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how
he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do
whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.

This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us
both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering
in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!!

Ok, not a dirty joke, but still funny!


Subject: Living Will

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living
room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a
vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.



TIS

TIS,

That was funny

Flame - Those are two of the funniest I've heard in a LONG time!!!!