LOL...thats a good one, Lou. Thats very cute!

THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM...

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold, a genie appeared. The genie said to her, "I can grant you one wish, but only one wish! So...what will it be?"

The young woman thought for a moment, and then pulled out a map of the Middle East from her back pack.

"See these countries, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine and Israel etc.? Well I want them all to live in peace" she said.

The Genie studied the map, then commented, What the fuck, lady! These countries have been fighting one another for hundreds of years. This is impossible, better try another wish," the Genie grunted.

"Well" responded the young woman, "then I want the perfect man. A guy who is kind, compassionate, and gentle, who likes children and housework, loves to cook, and will help me clean the house...even if it's Super Bowl Sunday."

The puzzled Genie just stared at the young woman for a long, hard minute, and then finally retorted, "Show me that fucking map again, lady."
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Happy Monday GBB!

A guy's not feeling good so the doctor runs a bunch of tests.
When he calls the guy in to give him the results,he tells him "I've got good news and bad news."
Guy says "gimme the bad news first".
Doc says "you have 6 months to live".
The guy then says "what's the good news"?
The doctor leans over and whispers "I'm screwing my nurse"

DRUNKEN BAPTISMS...

A drunken man stumbles upon a baptism by the River Jordan. The priest is standing there dunking people's heads underwater and when they emerge, the priest would ask if they'd found Jesus.

So the drunk wanders down to the river to join in. He stands in line and when it gets to his turn, the priest dunks the man's head under the water. When he pulls the man back up, the priest then asked the man if he has found Jesus, to which the man replied no!

So the priest dunked him underwater again...but this time for a little longer. Once again the priest pulls the man up out of the water and asks if he's found Jesus, but once again the man replies no!

So the priest dunks him under a third time, only this time he kept the man underwater for a long while. When he finally pulled him back up the priest asked if he'd finally found Jesus, to which the man asked, "Are you positive this is where the guy fell in?"

THE ELECTION PROCESS...


One afternoon, an American, a Japanese, and a Bosnian were chatting over a cup of coffee and the discussion turned to political elections.

The American, proud of his country, stated; "In America, in less than 2 hours after the casting of the election ballots, we pretty much already know who will win the race."

The proud Japanese, not to be outdone, retorted; "That’s nothing! In Japan, we get the election results within 2 minutes."

Thinking he had them beat, the clueless Bosnian mocked them and remarked; "I don’t get it fellas. Why does it take both your countries so long? In Bosnia, we already know who got elected 2 months before our Election Day."

What is the new national bird of Iran?

...a U.S. Drone!

A Henny Youngman special...


Five years ago, I asked this beautiful woman if she would go to dinner with me....Then, last spring, I asked her to be my wife.

...Both times she said no!

Syria gets lots of nice reviews on the internet.

In fact, most everyone who comments say they got blown away.

I can never understand when people complain that they can't meet their expenses.

After all, every time you turn around up pops another one...Let's face it, they’re everywhere!

Its all about priorities!
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A man from the Balkans and a man from Japan were talking about priorities in life.

The man from Japan commented: “For me, my family is first, then comes Japan, and then comes my job.”

The guy from the Balkans thought hard for a few minutes and then replied, “For me, it is the exact opposite. My job comes first, then my family, and then comes Japan.”

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

One requires tweetment. While the other requires an oinkment.

Now that's funny !!!

Why thank you, Mr. Para! Glad I made you smile. Lol.