Please, make it stop.

Here's a "Karnak" joke (you get the answer, you guess the question):

The answer is: "Add three zeroes."
The question is: What happens to a movie's budget when Francis Coppola directs it?

Let me put out some decent jokes, here.
" I tell you I get no respect,
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it."

"I tell you I get no respect,
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb."

Dangerfield was one of my all time favorites. He was a very funny bastard. I used to see him at his midtown Manhattan comedy club, Dangerfield's, years back. We drank with him on several occasions too. He could booze up pretty good when he wanted to.

That's exactly right, I remember Dangerfield's being right on 2nd Ave as you came off the Queensborough Bridge into Manhattan from Queens. When I started drinking it wasn't legally and was down on The Bowery at CBGB's or the Mudd Club in Tribeca.

Yep, if my memory serves me correctly, you walked in through the front right side of the place and there was a large wraparound bar running along maybe half the length of the joint on the left. It ran in front of the floor to ceiling front windows all the way to black curtains that separated the lounge from the actual comedy stage and tables in the back where patrons would sit and watch the comedians. If you walked in and went straight ahead you'd directly access that back room with the comedy shows.

The few times I frequented the joint we would sit up front on stools between that front window and the bar drinking. When Rodney would finish a show he'd change into a bathroom and slippers and come sit on a stool upfront with his balls half hanging out where he'd get boozed up and ogle and chat up the women patrons. He could be very crude in real life as well and was a bit of a perv to boot, Lol. What I can tell ya is that whenever wiseguys or knock around guys would come into the place (which they did on occasion), he'd glad-hand them to be respectful and buy a round of drinks, but then he'd usually try and quickly duck into his back dressing room to try and avoid any further contact with them. Lol.

But Dangerfield's was a very popular destination point for many years.

Throughout history vampires have been generally known to revel in their uncanny abilities and dark persona...except Italian vampires that is, who are all understandably heartbroken. And who the heck could blame em??

Imagine asking an Italian, any Italian - vampire or not, to stay away from fresh garlic gloves?

Another little quip to make ya smile!
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An Italian guy named Joey goes to see Dr. Bacigalupo, who was the family physician, but also a personal fried of his. Once called into the doctor's examination room Joey asks the doc straight out, "Hey Dr. Bacigalupo, do you think you can prescribe a sleeping pill for my mother-in-law?"

The doctor responds, "Perche'? Is your mother-in-law suffering from insomnia?"

Joey responds, "No, my mother-in-law sleeps very well at night, the sleeping pills are for the daytime!"

OK I just found this one [ thought it was hilarious ];

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"..

.

That actually made me laugh. Good one.

What does a lawyer and a sperm cell have in common?
They both have a 150,000,000 to 1 chance of becoming a human being.

St Peter notices that the Pearly Gates are showing a lot of wear and tear,so he decides to get some bids to spruce them up.

The 1st bidder is an iron worker,who quotes 1,000 bucks to replace the hinges and some bars,and shine the whole thing up.

The 2nd bidder is an electrician who bids 5,000 bucks to install a remote control opener, and trim the gates in neon.

The 3rd bidder is an Italian contractor who bids 21,000 to do some very minor cosmetic work.

St Peter asks "why such a huge amount for some very basic work"?

The contractor looks both ways,drops his voice to a whisper and replies "10 grand for me,10 grand for you,and a thousand for the iron worker.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick!
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Here's a little survey taken in Italy by the Italian National Health Department to try and determine why men get up out of bed in the night. Here are the results...

10% to raid the refrigerator to grab a late night snack

15% to go take a pee

75% to go home!
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Happy Saturday people!.... enjoy your day.

. That’s funny and true lol. Happy Saturday NYMafia

Hungry blonde has a fully stacked chest but an awfully hollow head...
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A hot, but snooty blonde walks into a Brooklyn pizzeria and orders a pie while not even looking at the counterman.

Ogling her big tits with his eyes popping out of his head, the Italian kid behind the counter try's to flirt with her and then asks, "Signora, should I cut it in four or eight slices for you?"

The blonde arrogantly replies, "In four of course! How could I possible eat eight slices?"

How about this one

Go figure, I got 20 hits under my belt, and you're the one he's scared of.

Or something like that lol

BRING ME BACK A NICE ITALIAN GIRL, HUH?....
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A man is dropping his wife off at the airport where she's going on a business trip for a week to Italy.

Before saying his goodbyes, he quips, "Now be sure to bring me back a nice really young Italian girl, ok honey?"

A week later he's back at the airport to pick up his wife from her return trip from Italy.

After kissing her hello, he says, "So, did you get me that nice young Italian girl I asked for?"

To which his wife responds, Well I tried my best honey, but we're gonna have to wait about nine months to find out if it's a girl or not!"

Wow! What a crew. What, nobody laughs around here? LOL. Here's another one I liked....thought maybe some of you would find it funny too.
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THE INVENTION OF SEX....
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A Greek and an Italian were chatting over drinks one afternoon and started debating about who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian answers back, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greeks says, "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian retorts, "We had the Roman Empire," an so on and so on it went....
Then the Greek comes back with, "We invented sex"
The Italian quickly answers, "That is true, but it was we Italians who introduced it to women!"

DID YOU KNOW THAT Jesus Christ WAS ITALIAN?
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He lived with his mother for 33 years, he thought she was a virgin, and she thought he was the son of God!

Jewish kid goes to his father; "Hey Dad, can I borrow 50 bucks?" Father says "40 bucks? What the hell do you need 30 bucks for?"

Ya know, not all Italians are in the so-called Mafia.

Some are in the Witness Protection Program too!

Q: What do you call an Italian with a broken arm?

A: Speech impaired

How much dessert would a dieting Jedi consume at an Italian restaurant?

...Only One Cannoli

You're on a roll

LOL, you could say that. (I got a few more up my sleeve for you later). Lol

Did you hear about he Jewish child molester?
"Hey kid,you wanna buy some candy?"

At the Last Supper, Jesus points to Peter and says "You will deny me 3 times"
He then points to Judas and says "You will betray me for 30 pieces of silver"
He then yells to the waiter "separate checks !!!"

One for the Catholics:
Jesus wants to make a toast at the Last Supper,but he's had a little too much wine and is weaving and slurring his words.
Finally,after his 2nd or 3rd attempt,Peter says "Sit down Jesus you're embarrassing yourself"
Jesus grabs a piece of bread,throws it at Peter,and says"Aw eat me"

10 year old Vito is on a park bench with a bag full of candy bars,eating one after another.

An older man sitting next to him says"kid,it ain't good to eat candy like that, you're teeth are gonna rot,you'll get acne,and get sick with diabetes".

Vito says,"well my grandfather lived to be 101 years old"

The guy asks"did he eat lots of candy?".

Vito replies "no,he minded his own fuckin' business !"

LOL. Now THAT was fucking funny!

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DEAF PERSON AND AN ITALIAN?
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One talks with their hands and makes odd noises at random pitches...and the other can't hear.
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One more for the Gipper...
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Q; Why did the Italian wiseguy actually request to be handcuffed to his bed?
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A; So he wouldn't talk in his sleep.

Q: If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread. What do you call Southern Bread?


A: Inbred?