Two Mafia hitmen are walking deep in a forest in the middle of the night.

One of them says, "I gotta admit I'm scared out here"

The other replies, "You're scared....I gotta walk back alone"

Now that's funny, sad but true lolol

If the Mafia ran a sports shop, what would it sell?

Protection racquets

Hell, they been sellin' those for decades :-)

That’s a good one haha

Didja hear about the made man who was drummed out of the Mafia for stupidity? They sent him out to blow up a car--he burned his lips on the tailpipe.

That is a variation of the one with kid and a maniac walking through a cemetery. Your version is better, I never thought the one with the kid was funny.

Q. Why is there a Mafia?
A. They wouldn't let Italians into Harvard.

Just when I thought Mob researching was your weakest skill in life you prove me wrong. You continue to amaze me. Kudos.

Please just stop. You're embarrassing yourself

FBI forever bothering Italians

An old and dying mafia boss is on his deathbed. He summons his 26 year old grandson. He shows his grandson a gun and says, "I want you to have this piece so you won't forget me."
The grandson not interested in the gun says, "Nonno I dont like the gun, but I do like that beautiful crafted Rolex watch."
The mafia boss responds, "My son didn't teach you nothing," while shaking his head. "Now listen and pay attention. One day, you will come home tired after a long day of work to see your wife in bed with some guy. What are you going to do? Point at your Rolex watch and say, "Times Up?"

Why do Lawyers, Bankers, and Mob Bosses like to play golf?
Cause you can play in handcuffs too.

Who was one of the first Italian cowboys to ever operate in the old west?

The Loan Arranger, and his trusty sidekick Totuccio

Now that's funny :-) Did he wear a mask?

Only when he went out on work. Lol


The Old West had their "Hopalong Cassidy," we Italians had our own cowpoke, he was called "Que is dice"

John Gotti underwent surgery. Doctors removed a tumor near his tonsils.
Then they caught the tumor, drove him to New Jersey, and shot him in the head ten times. (Chris Rock)

How can you tell if an Italian guy is in the Mafia?
His favorite dish is broken leg of lamb.

What is a four letter word in Italian for bye bye?

"Bang"

Do you know why Italian's are like magician's?

Because they can make people disappear into thin air!

The famous fable, "The Three Little Pigs"..... everybody knows that story, right?

Well, here's a little variation you never heard about.

A Brooklyn based big bad wolf started huffing and puffing on the house made of straw. So the little scared piggy ran to his neighbor pig's place next door which was made from sticks. Soon the wolf starting blowing on the stick house and it was falling apart. So they both ran over to their buddy's house which was made of brick by Italian pig artisan-masons.

The wood door and glass windows started rattling also, although the brick house was still standing tall and intact (those Italian artisans huh?). But just to be on the safe side, the third little piggy picks up his cell phone, dials a number, and has a quick hushed conversation.

Within minutes a black Caddy with tinted windows pulls up and three tough lookin pigs in jumpsuits and sportin baseball bats jump out of the car and proceed to bust the skull of the wolf. They broke every fucking bone in his body and left him in the gutter in front of the little brick house unconscious.

Amazed. The other two little piggies ask who the hell were they?

The third little piggy responds, "oh they're my cousins, the Guinea Pigs"

How does every Italian joke start?

By looking over your shoulder

Why do Italians wear Gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

What do you get when you cross John Gotti with the President of Mexico?
A guy who makes you an offer you can't understand.

Gotta say fellas, you have all provided good stuff here. THIS is what this forum should look like. Friendly, nice, cooperative, laughing, interesting, and enjoyable.

WITHOUT TROLLS AND TROUBLEMAKERS.

Bravo to all of you!

What do you call a Cosa Nostra figure with both his hands in his pockets?



....A Mafioso Mute!

Hahah this stuff is hilarious. Keep 'em coming

ANTONINO
Old Antonino was a tight ass with his money, and reckoned he was gonna take all his money with him when he died.

Anna, his good wife of many years protested profusely, "Antonino, you cannota taka da money, what about me and the children?

Antonino replied, "Screw you you puttana bitch, it'sa my money and I earned it!"
So appropriately on the day of Antonino's funeral Anna and the kids are crying over papa's coffin, when one of the kids speaks up, "momma you didn't give papa the money did you?"

Mama replied, "Si, I gaava da stiffa deada bastardo his a fuckin a mone, it'sa ina mama's personal check, let's see him casha that!"

What do you call a house butler who's also in the mafia?.....A "maid man?"

Hey, do you hear about the New York Mafia Family Don who had very bad memory problems?






...Yeah, he kept making people offers he couldn't remember!