I have been slapped, punched, kicked and crushed. I have fallen from roofs. I have hit myself with a hammer several times. I have been hit in the head with flying objects and stiff pieces of steel. I have dumped various all-terrain vehicles. I have broken bones. I have been stabbed and unintentionally sliced. I have bull-branded myself. I have been injured over and over and over again.

So why is it that stubbing my toe and snapping the nail caused the single greatest pain in recent memory? It was really just a case of walking along, like any other walk, and something (a doorway) gets in the way. Nothing very noteworthy.

I stepped back from the injury and clenched my teeth. It hurt so bad. But I was trying to rationalize the pain. In my mind, I cited the examples above. "Oh, c'mon, Dean, this is nothing...remember?...you slipped off that ladder onto your face?" It didn't help. I immediately thought about what a baby I was being and tried to forget about it. That didn't help either. "OK...I'm a baby. Please, God. My dear, dear Lord."

I sat down on the couch and attempted to ignore the throbbing. It was a diligent effort. Eventually, the sharp pain subsided a bit and turned into a dull, massively hot sensation. "Ahhhh sheeeeeeeet...this ain't so bad."

Then I saw the blood soaked into my sock. Panic.

Then I went to sleep.

Then I awoke.

And now, if I touch the wound, or think about it, I get upset at my feet.

I mean, what purpose does that little toe, in particular, serve? No. Never mind that. Why do we need toes at all? The bastards.

To help count from 11-20??

No. Al Gore invented the calculator for that.

Think you may have broken your toe?

Nope. Just ripped the nail from its sinewy foundation and suffered a bruise. I broke the fat toe once, and it didn't hurt half as much as this. That's why it's so peculiar. Maybe it has cancer?

You know, there's a reason why one of the worst forms of torture involves ripping the nails out. It is supposed to be one of the most painful things out there. (I defer to those that have experienced childbirth!)

I have a full black fingernail from an injury at work. After doing it, suddenly I turned into a born again Christian "Ah for the love of Christ" I screamed. "God this f*****g hurts...". Three weeks ago and it's still black as night and people think i've painted it that way - not good. In situations like this my grandad used to rip the nail off with a nail (sometimes he put electric drills in his mouth to rid of teeth). He's dead now. For one of the most smartest people i've ever known he was a little mental.

I was going to a psychologist for panic attacks, and she said I was not insane. A little crazy, but not insane. Was that some kind of joke? She didn't have that tone in her voice, and she really wasn't a funny kind of old goose. I stopped going to her immediately.

Oh and when I meant sticking a nail under the nail what my grandad used to do. It was a hammer and nail type nail not the crappy ones on the end of your fingers.

uuuugh... my grandpa still does that..

I just start hopping around and cry like I've been dumped by the hottest guy in the world. Stubbing your toe and paper cuts royally suck, because they seem so small, but hurt so much. Biting your tongue accidentally ain't no joyride either.

You must have hit your toe really hard, Uzi. Try next time, not to walk so fast into a doorway... take cautious steps. If you learned to do a handstand and walk that way, it would be best.

You have been missed, Pasta. At least by me. I can't speak for these other assholes.