Here are a few to get it started:

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to begin with?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Seen and Heard on 95 in South Florida: 30 something lady driving a Toyota Prius with a Pro Life License Plate 80 miles an hour with her knees while putting on her make up, talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette while her 2 year old daughter jumps up and down in the front seat to Kiss's Rock and Roll All Night.

Guys from Butte, Montana and Boise, Idaho and other cow towns who develop an Internet fascination with Italian American criminals in the New York City metro area.

Oops .

Maine is the closest U.S. state to Africa

Pittsburgh is farther east than Miami and Reno is farther west than LA.

You throw out by Garbage can by taping a sign to it that it's trash or ditch in somewhere if you have a truck..

1. Noon can always be told by sundial from a point of reference. Start the clock at 12 pm at noon.

2. Use a large leaf bag as a garbage bag.

3. They don't think we taste like anything. Chickens have virtually no taste buds, so taste and flavor is not a consideration in their food, let alone things they have no interest in trying to eat. But they can see colors that we can't even imagine.

4. Unsliced bread.

...when a mosquito bites me on top of my head. Oh..? not literally. I scratch my head when I observe rude behavior, like smokers who throw their butt on the ground just before entering a store. People in supermarkets who leave their cart on the right side of the aisle while they are looking for something on the left side and you can't get past them. Then when you say excuse me, they look at you dumbfounded as to what you are attempting to do.

I have chickens, and I can't believe they have no taste buds, as they definitely have food preferences. They love American cheese, and are strangely addicted to the crunchy noodles from Chinese restaurants.

Kly, Great answers

^I once had to throw out an old leaky garbage can, and the first time I put it out for trash collection, it was left behind, so that's when I got the oversized leaf bag.

They certainly do have preferences. My mother's neighbor has a few chickens, and because my mom loves to feed any creature that can find her back yard, the chickens spend a lot of time in her yard along with stray cats, squirrels, skunks, pigeons and an occasional deer or fox. But those chickens are something else. They don't even move for the lawn mower. I had to keep cutting around them and then go back once they decided to move on.

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank ATM machines?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

You know your getting old when you put away important documents so you won't lose them and then you forget were you put them.

Pet Peeves: Kids who tease dogs through a fence. Being asked my telephone number/account number AFTER I already entered it in using the keypad on my phone. I thought I was supposed enter that info to "better assist me".

You have a lot more patience than I have. I would've made chicken salad out of them if they didn't move from the mower.

We drive on a Parkway and park on a driveway.

If the black box is made to withstand a plane crash, why don't they make the plane from the same material?

And if the box is fluorescent yellow or orange, why call it a black box?

And while we're at it, why do men still have nipples?

As we all know it's just those damn fenimists trying to prove that they are better at nipples than manly men of the
masculine variety

Or Feminists even . No doubt Fenimist are just as bad though

John Tyler, the 10th president of the United States, has a grandson who's alive today.

I read on this link that it was two, unless one of them have died since of course?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2092227/US-president-John-Tylers-grandsons-STILL-ALIVE.html

Not sure, crazy either way.

Here's three Cracked articles that deal with this subject.

http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_612_38-real-size-comparisons-that-will-make-your-head-explode/

http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_507_20-mind-blowing-then-vs.-now-comparisons/

http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_636_23-insane-comparisons-that-will-change-how-you-think-time/

If Venus Williams married Bruno Mars, her name would be Venus Mars.

Camarel, Thanks for the links there great!

Like the Don used to say, "Out of the mouths of Throggs Neck residents..."

Here is one of my favorite songs; it is performed spoken to a musical accompaniment:

ENGLISH IS CUH-RAY-ZEE

English is the most widely spoken language in the history of the planet.
One out of every seven human beings can speak or read it.
Half the world's books, 3/4 of the international mail are in English.
It has the largest vocabulary, perhaps two million words,
And a noble body of literature. But face it:
English is cuh-ray-zee!

Just a few examples: There's no egg in eggplant, no pine or apple in pineapple.
Quicksand works slowly; boxing rings are square.
A writer writes, but do fingers fing?
Hammers don't ham, grocers don't groce. Haberdashers don't haberdash.
English is cuh-ray-zee!

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
It's one goose, two geese. Why not one moose, two meese?
If it's one index, two indices; why not one Kleenex, two Kleenices?
English is cuh-ray-zee!

You can comb through the annals of history, but not just one annal.
You can make amends, but not just one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one, is it an odd or an end?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it true that a preacher praught?
If you wrote a letter, did you also bote your tongue?
And if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
English is cuh-ray-zee!

Why is it that night falls but never breaks and day breaks but never falls?
In what other language do people drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?
Ship by truck but send cargo by ship? Recite at a play but play at a recital?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
English is cuh-ray-zee!

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same
When a wise man and a wise guy are very different?
To overlook something and to oversee something are very different,
But quite a lot and quite a few are the same.
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the next?
English is cuh-ray-zee!

You have to marvel at the lunacy of a language in which your house can burn down
While it is burning up.
You fill out a form by filling it in.
In which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Well, English was invented by people, not computers
And reflects the creativity of the human race.
So that's why when the stars are out, they're visible,
But when the lights are out, they're invisible.
When I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this rap,
I end it. English is cuh-ray-zee!

Words by Josh White, Jr. and Pete Seeger
(Based on Richard Lederer's "Crazy English")
Copyright (c) 1996

If you scaled the sun to the size of a white blood cell, the milky way would be the size of the United States.

Here's another one i read on Cracked, but i was unable to find the article.

From wiki - "Heather Blundell was born in Queanbeyan, New South Wales. As Heather McKay, she completely dominated the sport of women's squash in the 1960s and '70s. She lost only two matches in her entire career (in 1960 and 1962), and was unbeaten in competitive squash matches from 1962 through to 1981, when she retired from active open squash."

I have never watched or played a game of Squash in my life, but that must be one of if not the greatest ever sporting achievment imo. To only lose twice in a 22 year career (both coming in her first 3 years), as well as staying undefeated for 19 years is baffling. Not to mention she won every tournament she ever entered.

She was also apparently great at racquetball despite not knowing the rules

From another site - "After retiring from the sport in 1979, McKay turned her sights to racquetball and almost instantly became a sensation, reaching the semifinals of her first invitational tournament without even knowing how the game was played. "

http://mentalfloss.com/article/30648/11-amazing-under-radar-sports-dynasties

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_McKay

That song fails in the first sentence, both Mandarin and Spanish are spoken by more than English

If Oliver North is photographed sitting next to the baby of Kim Kardashian, the caption could be "North by North West."

Don't forget Lehi, Utah

Or Glasgow, Scotland