Aaaaa....the word that every guy dreads, and every girl longs to hear.

No, I will not say it, and I'm warning you all: say it and you will be punished with 100 push ups and 2 laps! are we clear on that? good. If you MUST say it, please type "Ma**iage"

Ok, ok, all jokes aside, let's get down to business:

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Part I: Age Factor
Is there one? should there be a minimum age for getting married, and what should it be? 16 or 18? maybe 21? (I know how it is in several states and countries, I'm asking for your personal opinion, what you think should be the minimum)

Also, is there a certain range of years in a man's or woman's life during which s/he's supposed to get married? is it best to get married in your 20's, and better not late than 35? is 40 too late if you want children?

Part II: Civil Marriage
Is there anything lost in civil marriage? is the union/contract/institution becomes any less if the holy aspect is gone?

Part III: Fulfillment in Life
Will you say that marriage is a necessity, one that each and every human must fulfill, or at least try to?

Should we all aspire to have children, and is marriage the first requirement?

Part IV: Career
Should having a certain demanding job, or the lack of any job, be an impediment to marriage?

Is there such thing as a 'responsible marriage', or should marriage answer only to love?

Part V: Knight in Shining Armour
Do you think marriage should be the product of true love and true love only? do you believe in waiting for "the one" ?

If two people fit each other, like each other, learn to love each other, and marriage will work for both -- is that enough? must they be CRAZY about each other? must you wait and wait until you find your ultimate prince/princess or do you need to "seize the opportunity" once it knocks on your door?

Part VI: Speeding Process
If time is against you, and you can't find a spouse, will you recommend "instant solutions" such as dating websites, or pickup bars?

Part VII: Unmarried Couples
Would you recommend against it in the long run? and if they want kids, yet wish to never marry? what are the pros/cons of unmarried couples / partnership?

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Now if you'll excuse me, I think I ought to punish myself with 900 push ups or something like that...I don't wanna count

Man, you sure threw out some excellent questions.

As for age, it's hard to say. I met my husband when he was 19. He was more mature than most men who were chronologically older. There are 40 year old women who decide to relive their youth by dressing like their 16 year old daughters (not good) and acting like asses.

As for the "holy aspect", that depends on the couple and their beliefs. Marriage is a promise to another person. Whether you say it before a judge or a priest or a rabbi is up to you. The important part is the expectation to live up to the promise.

As for fulfillment, again, it depends. What is a mistake is giving into societal pressures to get married and not be single, and ruin not only your life, but someone else's.

Career? You have to work at it. My husband and I have both been VPs and worked long hours. If you are willing to support one another and work as hard at your marriage as you do your job, then you can have both. However, you must be willing to support one another's goals. There are plenty of occasions when I've been the good corporate wife at his company functions, and vica versa.

Knight in Shining Armor? I was lucky enough to find mine. But maybe he wouldn't be someone else's version of a knight. I don't think it's wrong to marry for companionship. It can be a lonely and harsh world. Knowing that there's someone who always has your back is a wonderful comfort.

There are no instant solutions. Relationships take work.

If you're in a committed relationship, why not marry? I don't understand people who will live together for 40 years and not marry. They say they don't need the benefit of a piece of paper. Why not?

As for children, I think that there are too many bad parents out there. There are some couples who shouldn't have children just because society expects you to have them. As a matter of fact, I admire couples who resist the pressure and stand by their desire to be together without kids.

On the other hand, our children have brought us immense joy. As much as I loved my daughters when they were little, as they grow into young women that I can befriend, I love them even more. Now that I don't have to always be "Mommy", but can simply enjoy their company, I can't imagine how empty our home and our lives would be without them.

So, Fame, I hope that answers your questions. And I hope it's not "TMI".

Good stuff Fame.....good stuff.

Marriage should be for love by both parties and not for anything else. It's worked for us for 38 years come August. I highly recommend it.

It is hard on a marriage when one or both are in the military. I know this first hand it is tough being a military wife. The deployments are rough and long. But if you truly love your spouse you'll go through hell for them.

The M-Word.

Geoff, now you've gone a bit too far with your censoring!

M*g*on ?

Babe, thanx so much for taking the time - and no, it's never TMI!

Mig, hang in there!

Sooo....I think I'm convinced. If anyone here wishes to marry me, please post here your full name, skills, hobbies, and credit card number. I'll get back to you as soon as I can

As for minimun age:
Both my wife and I were 20 when we applied for our marriage license in NYC centuries ago. She was able to get her license on her own signature. But I had to have both my parents come down to City Hall with me to vouch for me. Turned out a gal could get married on her own hook at 17, but a guy didn't get that privilege until he was 21.

At first I thought it was reverse sexism. Then I realized why: Women got the pass because, in the days before Roe v. Wade, it was expected that many young ones would get pregnant, and so the city made the path to quick marriage that much easier for them--without having to tell Mom and Dad why.

Fame, I should've said that he's been retired from the Navy for 8 years now.

I went through the same thing TB. Except I did NOT have to have my parents physically come down to City Hall when we went for the license. I was able bring down and produce a Notarized written letter showing that the Notary had witnessed my parents signing that letter giving me permission to apply for a marriage license.

Funny, we were old enough to register for the draft, possibly get drafted and fight for our country had a war broken out....but yet we needed our parents permission to get married!



I have absolutely no regrets about getting married. All these years later I still have a wonderful wife who has made our house into a home while giving me two wonderful children.

That is so sweet DC.

GREAT THREAD!

1. Age - Back in the day people tended to marry younger. Then again back then divorce was not obtained so easily as it is now. Personally, looking back, I don't think any guy under the age of 28 is thinking with his brains whatsoever, if you know what I mean, and has no business making a lifetime commitment. Women I think are probably more mature in this area. There's no one size fits all, but I would set the legal minimum at 18. IF you can go to war you can get married, and you should abe able to buy a beer.

2. Civil v. Church - It all depends on the views of the people getting married. If someone is a complete athiest or not the least bit religious then it doesn't matter. If someone, on the other hand is raised in any religion and holds religious beliefs, then a purely civil marriage has an escape hatch 5 ro 10 years down the line if/when there is a bump in the road, the religious one can take the position the marriage "doesn't count" cause it wasn't in church. So I would say if spirituality is an issue on one or both sides do the church wedding.

3. Fulfillment - The biggest mistake people make is thinking their unfulfilled lives will be fulfilled if only they get married. It doesn't work that way. An unfulfilled person remains unfulfilled after he or she is married, and it is unfair to any spouse to have to carry the burden of seeing to it that his/her othr half is "fulfilled." The second biggest mistake people make is thinking having a child is going to make a bad marriage better. It doesn't work that way. As for the need to have children, there is none. Its a case by case thing. Some people are probably better off NOT having them.

4. Career - See age (above). Depending on one's level of education the career path is determined. A person with a high school education is not going to have the same career as an MBA. IMHO no one should get married these days until he or she are into carreers, and know how the world really works. From that standpoint they can make informed decisions about how much time needs to be devoted to career, should mom or dad stay home wonce kids are born, etc. Personally I believe if children are brought into the world and if both parents have high powered careers which require more than 9-5 hours, one or the other must sacrifice career for the sake of the children.
Two people who work 18 hour days whose jobs require travel, dining out etc., probably make ebough $ to hire nannies, but is that really the point of parenthood?

5. Bars/Internet dating - Nothing wrong with any of it so long as it is not an end in and of itself. No one should go on Match.com and say "I am going to find my spouse on this come hell or high water."

6. Unmarried & children. Today 40% of newborns are born out of wedlock. I am probably an old fart on this but mostly I don't think this is a good thing. I believe in a two parent married couple & kids family unit. I also believe this changes in direct proportion to someone's age and sexual preference. A single 32 year old man or woman with no marriage prospects in sight is better suited to have a kid on his/her own than an 18 year old girl who gets knocked up and
who will raise a fatherless child. Ditto for gays who cannot g et married in most states, which of course is ridiculous.

Boy Fame, there's a lot to cover!

Part I: Age Factor

I'm thinking yes there should be an age limit. I do believe you SHOULD be at least 18 but would suggest more like 25. Then again everyone doesn't mature or are ready on the same level. I don't know that there is a certain range of years to marry. However, assuming a couple would want children, I would think age of marriage would be a factor.


Part II: Civil Marriage

Its a matter of what one wants. For me, I had (and would want) a religious service. Even if a very small gathering, that would be my preference.

Part III: Fulfillment in Life

Again, it depends on the person and what they want out of life. Being divorced, I may not be a good person to give marriage advice. I can wear my heart on my sleeve and have long struggled with the question, "Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Is it????

Should we all aspire to have children, and is marriage the first requirement?

Not everyone is the same so the aspirations will be different. On the marriage first issue, and although I understand how "things" are today, I was raised an Italian Catholic and so I'd say "Yes" marriage first.

Part IV: Career

I think it could be an impediment. Jobs are something that should be discussed/considered, especially if jobs will create long hours away, travel and long absences.

Is there such thing as a 'responsible marriage', or should marriage answer only to love?

No sure what you mean.

Part V: Knight in Shining Armour

When I was younger maybe. Now, my first instinct is to say "hell no" but I admit the romantic in me says it is always possible. (I'm such a sap)

If two people fit each other, like each other, learn to love each other, and marriage will work for both -- is that enough? must they be CRAZY about each other? must you wait and wait until you find your ultimate prince/princess or do you need to "seize the opportunity" once it knocks on your door?

You can do everything right and still "shit happens". All you can do is your best.

Part VI: Speeding Process

It's up to the individual

Part VII: Unmarried Couples

I suppose again, it's up to the individual. You can love your children whether you are married or not married. For me, I preferred married. It solidified for me the family unit...or so I thought, since I'm divorce that kind of blows that theory right.

TIS

All I know, as someone who has been married 29 years is that as a man I always have the last word in my house, and more often than not it is, "Yes, dear."

Ha ha ha ha!!! And, as it should be.

My father would always say, " When I said 'I do' she said "Oh no you don't."


TIS

I agree it's a bad word.

Marriages that that disgusts me is that religious group that was in a news the last couple years from Texas or out West where grown men marry little girls. And these little girls are having babies.

How do you feel about men who feel that they can have more than one wife? I disagree with this.