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Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia #571592
04/10/10 04:50 PM
04/10/10 04:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
AppleOnYa Offline OP
AppleOnYa  Offline OP

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
Has anyone see this story. (Edited printout below)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100410/ap_on_re_us/us_russia_adopted_boy

While the growing fears of this family are understandable, it seems the adoptive mother was not willing to put much effort into caring for this child, sending him back like a broken toy after a total of 6 months.

Alot of time & effort goes into an overseas adoption. Much more apparently, than they were willing to put into this boy. It was a cruel and cowardly way out of a major responsibility.

*********************************

SHELBYVILLE, Tenn. – Torry Hansen was so eager to become a mother that she adopted an older child from a foreign country...

Torry's mother, Nancy, said the 7yr-old's violent episodes ... terrified them into a shocking solution: The boy they renamed Justin was put on a plane by himself and sent back to Russia.

Now, outraged officials in that country are calling for a halt to adoptions by Americans, and authorities are investigating the family. However, Nancy Hansen told The AP that the motives of her daughter — a 33-year-old, unmarried nurse — were sincere.

"The intent of my daughter was to have a family and the intent of my whole family was to love that child," she said Friday.

The family was told the boy, whose Russian name is Artyom Savelyev, was healthy in Sept when he was brought ... to his new home ... seemed happy, but the behavioral problems began soon after, Hansen said.

"The Russian orphanage officials completely lied to her because they wanted to get rid of him," she said.

Hansen chronicled a list of problems: hitting, screaming, spitting at his mother & threatening to kill family members. Hansen said his eruptions were often sparked when he was denied something he wanted, like toys or video games....Hansen said she thought that with their love, they could help him. "I was wrong," she said.

Adoption experts say many families are blinded by their desire to adopt and don't always understand what the orphans have sometimes endured — especially older children who may have been neglected or abandoned.

"They're not prepared to appreciate, psychologically, the kinds of conditions these kids have been exposed to and the effect it has had on them," said J. LaBarbera, a clinical psychologist...

Hansen said her daughter sought advice from psychologists but never had her adoptive son meet with one....

In Feb, Hansen said, the family could take no more. The boy flew into a rage, snatched a 3-pound statue and tried to attack his aunt with it. Hansen said he was apparently upset after his aunt asked him to correct math problems on his school work.

Hansen bought the plane ticket, and the family arranged to pay a man in Russia $200 to take him from the airport and drop him off at the Russian education ministry. He arrived alone Thurs on a United Airlines flight...

With him was a note that read, in part: "After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends, and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child."

The family, meanwhile, has rejected the Kremlin's sharp criticism and any notion that the boy was simply abandoned....

...Experts and adoptive parents have reacted with similar shock, though they stress that the vast majority of adopted children are raised in happy, loving homes.

"That incidents like the one today can cause children to remain in orphanages rather than be adopted by loving families is the real tragedy," said Sue Gainor, who adopted a child from Russia in 2001 and is the nat'l chairperson of Families for Russian and Ukranian Adoption...

There was no response to a knock at Hansen's door, and a phone listing couldn't be found for her. Her mother also declined to put AP in touch with her, and the family has since retained an attorney...
___

AP writers N. Vasilyeva in Moscow, T. Loller & C. Talbott in Nashville, J. Freed in Minneapolis, G. Tibbits in Seattle, & F. Klug & R. Burns in Washington contributed to this report.

Last edited by AppleOnYa; 04/10/10 05:05 PM.

A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government.

- THOMAS JEFFERSON

Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: AppleOnYa] #571612
04/11/10 03:26 AM
04/11/10 03:26 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
afsaneh77 Offline
Mother of Dragons
afsaneh77  Offline
Mother of Dragons

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
Your own child could end up acting like that, I've seen the examples of such kids first hand and kids were raised in loving families, perhaps too much spoiling was the reason for the behavior of their child. Fact is, when it is not your own child and you don't have that long bond with him/her, you can certainly let go of them in a heartbeat.

I had these plans to adopt an older kid, but this makes one think twice, and if having a kid altogether is a good idea. ohwell


"Fire cannot kill a dragon." -Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: afsaneh77] #571652
04/12/10 10:45 AM
04/12/10 10:45 AM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
dontomasso Offline
Consigliere to the Stars
dontomasso  Offline
Consigliere to the Stars

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
A child is not a commodity which you return if it doesn't meet expectations. These people who sent this child back are disgraceful.


"Io sono stanco, sono imbigliato, and I wan't everyone here to know, there ain't gonna be no trouble from me..Don Corleone..Cicc' a port!"

"I stood in the courtroom like a fool."

"I am Constanza: Lord of the idiots."

Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: dontomasso] #571653
04/12/10 10:57 AM
04/12/10 10:57 AM
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 17,300
New York
Sicilian Babe Offline
Sicilian Babe  Offline

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 17,300
New York
This was on the local news this morning. The woman is facing potential criminal charges. Gee, you THINK???


President Emeritus of the Neal Pulcawer Fan Club
Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: Sicilian Babe] #571658
04/12/10 01:42 PM
04/12/10 01:42 PM
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
AppleOnYa Offline OP
AppleOnYa  Offline OP

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
Last I heard, if the boy has not yet been made a U.S. Citizen then the 'mother' would face no criminal charges. But that's not even the point. Neither is whether or not the boy has a disorder, or if they were 'lied to' by the people in Russia who claimed he was healthy.

Family thought they could 'help him with their love', but mommy apparently made little effort to find professional help for these emotional issues. Mother (a nurse, no less) 'spoke' to a psychologist but never actually brought him to one??? Never looked into medication, counseling, special schooling, somewhere in USA where he may have gotten better care than in his 'birth' country. Too expenseive maybe, but so was the adoption itself. Just decided to stick him on a plane with a note. How shameful. Had this been going on for a year or two it might've been just a little more understandable. But they had this boy for SIX MONTHS, probably half the time it took to complete the adoption in the first place.

I have experience w/ international adoptions and they take time, but the process is expediated when you are willing to take an older child as opposed to an infant. But if you do, you must be prepared to deal with the possible emotional issues/baggage that may come along. This woman would've been informed of that as part of the homestudy process. She must've been in a hurry to be a mother, but not to take on the very real responsibilities of a parent.

Shame on her. Shame on her DOUBLE for having her mother speak for her. Coward.


A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government.

- THOMAS JEFFERSON

Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: AppleOnYa] #571665
04/12/10 03:00 PM
04/12/10 03:00 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
dontomasso Offline
Consigliere to the Stars
dontomasso  Offline
Consigliere to the Stars

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
Apple, you and I disagree on many things a lot of the time, but on this one you are spot on right. She is a selfish coward.


"Io sono stanco, sono imbigliato, and I wan't everyone here to know, there ain't gonna be no trouble from me..Don Corleone..Cicc' a port!"

"I stood in the courtroom like a fool."

"I am Constanza: Lord of the idiots."

Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: dontomasso] #571679
04/12/10 05:02 PM
04/12/10 05:02 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
afsaneh77 Offline
Mother of Dragons
afsaneh77  Offline
Mother of Dragons

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
I guess you guys have not seen a teen threatening to kill you. It is downright scary. I wouldn't judge her.


"Fire cannot kill a dragon." -Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: afsaneh77] #571683
04/12/10 05:50 PM
04/12/10 05:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 12,543
Gateshead, UK
Capo de La Cosa Nostra Offline
Capo de La Cosa Nostra  Offline

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Posts: 12,543
Gateshead, UK
Adoption is an issue Apple feels very close to, Afs.


...dot com bold typeface rhetoric.
You go clickety click and get your head split.
'The hell you look like on a message board
Discussing whether or not the Brother is hardcore?
Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: Capo de La Cosa Nostra] #571703
04/12/10 08:23 PM
04/12/10 08:23 PM
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
AppleOnYa Offline OP
AppleOnYa  Offline OP

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
First of all, the child isn't a teen. According to the story, he's 7yrs old.

Second, as I said, the fear of harm to herself and her family as this boy got older was understandable.

What's NOT understandable is how she handled it, by literally sending back a child who is for all intents and purposes, her son; and pinning on him a note stating she no longer wishes to parent him. What she's also stating is that she really doesn't care what happens to him, long as he's out of her hair.

Apple


A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government.

- THOMAS JEFFERSON

Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: AppleOnYa] #571711
04/12/10 10:14 PM
04/12/10 10:14 PM
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 19,066
OH, VA, KY
Mignon Offline
Mama Mig
Mignon  Offline
Mama Mig

Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 19,066
OH, VA, KY
I was adopted when I was a child. The boy has some serious issues. Can you imagine what is going through this boys mind? No one wants him no one loves him. I hope someone adopts him and will be there for him no matter how long it takes to help him with his issues.


Dylan Matthew Moran born 10/30/12


Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: Mignon] #571713
04/12/10 10:20 PM
04/12/10 10:20 PM
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
AppleOnYa Offline OP
AppleOnYa  Offline OP

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
It said in the article that several Russian families have expressed interest in adopting him since he returned. Hopefully, the home he ends up in will be more suited - and willing - to deal with his obvious emotional issues.

Last edited by AppleOnYa; 04/12/10 10:23 PM.

A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government.

- THOMAS JEFFERSON

Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: AppleOnYa] #571720
04/13/10 04:27 AM
04/13/10 04:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
afsaneh77 Offline
Mother of Dragons
afsaneh77  Offline
Mother of Dragons

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
Originally Posted By: AppleOnYa
First of all, the child isn't a teen. According to the story, he's 7yrs old.

Second, as I said, the fear of harm to herself and her family as this boy got older was understandable.

What's NOT understandable is how she handled it, by literally sending back a child who is for all intents and purposes, her son; and pinning on him a note stating she no longer wishes to parent him. What she's also stating is that she really doesn't care what happens to him, long as he's out of her hair.

Apple

I guess we've never had kids shooting their very own parents. Still, you are right that she didn't handle the situation properly, but then not being proper when you are scared out of your wits is also understandable.

And for the record, I know Apple adopted her daughter from overseas, and I am all for adoption, but these past few years I've seen kids who make me sick and I forget they are only children and cannot be held accountable.


"Fire cannot kill a dragon." -Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: afsaneh77] #571735
04/13/10 09:05 AM
04/13/10 09:05 AM
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
AppleOnYa Offline OP
AppleOnYa  Offline OP

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
Originally Posted By: afsaneh77
...I am all for adoption, but these past few years I've seen kids who make me sick and I forget they are only children and cannot be held accountable.


Keep in mind though, that nobody is holding THIS child accountable for what problems he may have. Again, it all goes back to the adoptive mother and how she discarded him, because SHE didn't want to deal with those problems.

Apple


A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government.

- THOMAS JEFFERSON

Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: AppleOnYa] #571738
04/13/10 09:47 AM
04/13/10 09:47 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
afsaneh77 Offline
Mother of Dragons
afsaneh77  Offline
Mother of Dragons

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
Originally Posted By: AppleOnYa
Keep in mind though, that nobody is holding THIS child accountable for what problems he may have.


Well, it seems to me that the adoptive mother DID hold THIS child accountable, otherwise would not have shipped him back in that fashion. That's what I meant.


"Fire cannot kill a dragon." -Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Re: Family Sends Adopted Boy Back to Russia [Re: afsaneh77] #571742
04/13/10 11:20 AM
04/13/10 11:20 AM
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
AppleOnYa Offline OP
AppleOnYa  Offline OP

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 8,224
New Jersey
I don't think she holds the child accountable for the condition he's in. If anything, she appear to hold the Russian caregivers accountable for claiming he was 'healthy' in September, which he may be physically but not emotiionally. The grandmother says they 'lied'...

Apples & orange orange orange. In any case, in the end all she did was shirk off her own responsibilities as a parent, and in a very underhanded & childish way.

Last edited by AppleOnYa; 04/13/10 11:33 AM.

A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government.

- THOMAS JEFFERSON


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