I did a Franchise review thread for DIE HARD last year, now I will venture into a long time ago, in a place far far away with STAR WARS. No, I won't review the much molested preqels, but they'll have their moment of pain eventually.

Oh, and I'll review both original and Special Edition versions, with comments on Papa George's changes.

STAR WARS (1977) - ***** - Masterpiece

I won't say the usual garbage you read in reviews of this movie. No "Buck Rogers/Flash Gordon," no "feel-good movie in the wake of Vietnam," and especially not the biggest bullshit people keep insisting:

That STAR WARS "sparked" Hollywood's interest in science fiction.

What the movie did for Hollywood was simply give bigger budgets, and mostly simplify the then-existing sci-fi flicks from social commentaries into generic popcorn flicks. If anything, a better argument that people can make is that STAR WARS might have inadvertedly been the biggest problem for sci-fi within Hollywood afterwards.

Afterwards, all sci-fi in Hollywood pretty much became action movies that were given the window dressings of "sci-fi" so that we could have gun battles in space, alien heads exploding, and the Earth being saved. Oh sure we have the occasional great smart sci-fi non-action movie like BLADE RUNNER, DARK CITY, BRAZIL, TWELVE MONKEYS, etc.

But folks, thats why they're called flukes.

Ok, enough of my pissy rant.

I do think there has been an unfortunate time that has been played on this film. Its played often so much on TV, re-released on DVD to which the nerd-nation eats up, retinkered constantly by George Lucas and his dry-erase pen. Worse, perhaps starting with my generation, its been present our entire lives.

STAR WARS was made with the intention of joining a long tradition of big event popcorn entertainment spectacles, from Errol Flynn's ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD, to Steve McQueen's THE GREAT ESCAPE, 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA, you name it.

What that means is, you see it once in theatres...and unless its on the network TV or re-released in theatres, you may never see it again. You even wear it as a badge of honor to people who couldn't see it back in the day.

There was a point when I saw SW maybe what, hundreds of times in my childhood from age 5 to 10? Then starting at 11, girls became more interesting...and I didn't watch this movie until high school.

STAR WARS(no, none of that A NEW HOPE Lucas-revisionistic nonsense) should only be seen once a year, maybe Christmas or summer-time, and make it as big of a event as you can.

If you do this, you'll remember why its a classic. The sheer adventure-fantasy narrative energy that would establish editing cliches and expectations for the next 30 years in action film. The still-impressive Visual Effects(NOTE: Refering to Original Version).

But its the verocious personality that the actors brought to their characters. Mark Hamill brought the naive, if only from being a farmboy his whole life. Harrison Ford as the all-action, all the time cutthroat mercenary who, aw schuks, is actually a decent person. Carrie Fisher as the very tough petite princess that maybe didn't need rescuing. Sir Alec Guinness as the zen master that's too old for this shit. Then of course, James Earl Jones' smooth chocolate bravado voice as the wonderfully evil baddie.

When you watch STAR WARS, you actually appreciate the memorable moments once again, instead of passing through them like a rest stop in New Jersey.

"If this is a diplomatic mission, where is the AMBASSADOR?" *neck snap*

"Briggs is right, I'm never going to get away from this place."

"You never heard of the Millenium Falcon?"
"Should I?"

"Terminate her, immediately!"

"You said it Chewie...where did you dig up that fossil?"

"Nooooooo!"

"Great shot kid, one in a million!"

Its nice to appreciate cinematic wine in its most ripe. Though I guess nothing replaces watching this film for the first time when I was 5. Tsk...

SPECIAL EDITION COMMENTARY - Well, most of the CGI-updating doesn't bother me, probably gave some more space in terms of aerial spaceship shots.

But yeah, the infamously legendary "Greedo shoots first" sequence is f*cking retarded.

Originally, its such a great narrative beat to it.

SUBTITLES - "I've been waiting for this for a long time."
Solo - "Yeah, I bet you have!"

BOOM!

Classic. Instead, that instant beat after Ford's one-liner, which always draws a laugh from people, and a "cool as hell" moment for young boys, is now ruined by Greedo blasting first, or Solo just dodging in time.

Whatever this change in intentions, it fails simply because it looks so RETARDED in how ILM tried to alter film from decades ago.

The Jabba the Hut scene is pointless, and it kills another great favorite scene for me. In the original version, we are introduced to the MILLENIUM FALCON...its a cool looking space ship.

Then Mark Hamill utters, "What a piece of JUNK!"

For us primates in technological-backwards Earth, any spaceship is badass. To those people, its a junk Dodge car made from Saturn parts.

The addtional Briggs sequence before the finale Death Star dogfight footage, I get the idea of it. Make his demise more meaningful to Luke Skywalker, but it doesn't do the extra mustard that its needed. Its a nice scene, but its not necessary. Oh well, the downside of Director's Cuts...

COMING UP: Vader is Luke's daddy. Yeah, I spoiled the ending. Boo yah!

Good review and brilliant film,

Han shot first.

Opps sorry, thanks for correcting me NGE.

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980) - ***** - Masterpiece

Every summer blockbuster sequel has followed the blueprints drawn up by the prototype summer blockbuster sequel: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.

Bigger budget, bigger effects, bigger scale, more action, bigger stakes, a cliffhanger leading up to Part 3...hell, the second PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movie had all that from last summer, as did THE MATRIX RELOADED, and others before it.

Yet the edge that gives EMPIRE the edge over STAR WARS is the same one that still maintains its imperial reign over the other sequels. With the adventure and popcorn action, there is a moodyness to it, that background sense of imminent doom to the heroes. Their backs are to the wall, and there is no escape.

Plus, the movie ends on a downer that Hollywood is really allergic to these days with their tentpole flicks....the hero gets his hand chopped off and gets his ass whooped by the baddie, the badass mercenary becomes a carbonite POW, and the Empire is going Nazi-Gestapo on everyone.

With the credits rolling, there is such an impression that the 3rd and "last" STAR WARS chapter would kick so much ass. Opps.

Anyway, about the legendary twist ending...to anyone that actually saw the movie back in 1980, did the twist REALLY surprise you all? Was it as much of a mind-screw job as so many of a generation claim it is?

True Story

(SPOILERS)

I saw TESB on it's opening weekend. Waited with a group of about 20 people a couple of hours to get in. This was back in the day of one big ass theater, not 24 mini screens and $10.00 popcorn. This theater did go on to be renevated into a 20 theater multi whatever in the late eighties early nienties.

The lights were being lowered and we were 30 seconds from the opening crawl and one of the guys in our group says I quote " I heard that Darth Vader is Lukes Father". I could,nt believe it and even when the famous line came 2 hours later it was still hard to believe. Well quite a few people were looking to give this guy a beatin after the movie was over. Now the story is legendary.

Whats funny is that Vader being Lukes father was never really confirmed or truly belived until Jedi came out.

Great story Diago. Reminds me of that SIMPSONS episode with Homer.

"I couldn't believe that Vader is Luke's father!"

*Angry Pissed Crowd waiting in line*

"Thanks alot, Jerk!"

Oh I forgot, my comments on the Special Edition edit of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.

I have no problems what-so-ever with it. The city in the clouds is given more scale and more in-depth visual look. More credible footage of the snow cave monster on Hoth.

At least, there is no fucking Greedo Shoots First bullshit.

One thing that I do like is they 'cleaned up' so to speak Emperor Palpatine. I think they edited in Ian McDiarmid, still, good move.

I agree DA. I forgot all about that scene.

It certainly corrects the continuity with JEDI and prequels.

RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983) - ***

Goddamn Ewoks.

This movie is working the STAR WARS adventure magicin the first few minutes, up through Mark Hamill killing Jabba the Hutt's pet.

But then something happens as soon as the major fight happens in the Tatoine Desert....

The energy narrative feels lacking. Lucas blames it on the inexperienced director Richard Marquand, but lets remember something. Lucas had dictator powers as producer on STAR WARS, which meant he had overriding authority on editing, script, and creative choices.

Besides, if EMPIRE director Irvin Kershner is to be believed, Marquand got canned after the actors revolted, and Kershner's First AD from EMPIRE and Lucas took over the production.

But thing is, it was Lucas who took the very mysterious, and slick willy badass bounty hunter Boba Fett from EMPIRE...and had him get whacked like a goon clown.

Oh sure, Lucas said in retrospect it was a mistake, but its like a wife-beating husband saying this after the fact: Too late.

But that whole action sequence to me typifies the movie's problem: We've seen it before. When the Empire's new plan turns out to involve ANOTHER Death Star....am I the only one that felt like Lucas could have done better?

I mean, we all remember the giant-looking Imperial battleships in STAR WARS, well remember when Darth Vader's "private" battleship is revealed? Its so huge, it makes those battleships very very very quaint. Why couldn't something that impressive have been hatched for JEDI?

Plus, it would have complemented what was then the most expensive and most SFX-involved sequence in film history: The finale starship battles that dwarfed the original Death Star fight in STAR WARS.

But yeah, the Ewoks.....oh boy.

The basic idea is great: A primitive society that in a microcosm of the intergalatic war, is able to defeat a technologically-superior enemy. Thing is, lets just say the idea of techno-backwards Wookies would have fit the basic idea perfectly, instead of teddy bears.

If anything, its those teddy bears that should have warned SW fans what would happen eventually when Papa Lucas would make his prequels. The emphasis of flat comedy and marketing over what made SW work can be seen here in JEDI. Lucas wanted to pander to the kiddies, and those kiddies grown-up wonder what the f*ck Lucas was thinking...like ME.

Ultimately though, Lucas missed a golden opportunity in regards to Darth Vader. In STAR WARS and EMPIRE, he's seen as the bad mother fucker that everyone fears, the Atilla the Hun in space. Yet imagine if we realized that as a burned paralyzed corpse that needs machines to live, he virtually is a bitch of the Emperor, and we see that this "Atilla" is only a rottweiler that if Emperor pulled a wire or two, Vader would short-circuit.

That way, it would have probably made Vader's turn to fight the Emperor much more meaningful, and not at the last minute as JEDI has it. It would be that Vader goes on a suicide mission against the Emperor...

Or maybe I should blame the Ewoks.

SPECIAL EDITION THOUGHTS: Lucas should have added a scene where Boba Fett, the badass he is, escaping from the eternal hell of a sand monster's bowells. He would have been an inspiration to seniors world-wide.

Does anyone else think the final Ewok sing-along is sorta gay?

Fans complain about Lucas altering Anakin Skywalker's ghost to that of Hayden Christianson from the prequels. It actually makes sense since that young Anakin was with the Force before going to the darkside.

Well, I've enjoyed reviewing the original STAR WARS movies. I just know the prequels won't be as much fun. Heh.

Jedi,is my personal fav of the lot,love all the fight scenes and the battle in the forest.

1977 all the way.
I find the elegance of Mr. Guiness much more appealing than green puppets...but thats just my opinion.

Funniest SW quote :

Vader: "He will come to meeeeeeeee?"
Emperor: "[...]He will come to youuu, and then you will bring him before me"

Am I the only one who cant help laughing at that part?