Assosiated Press: Turi Giuliano Takes Step Toward '08 Bid

By: Col. Donald P. Icewater III


In an unprecedented move today, foreigner Turi Giuliano; ambassador to the United States from the country of Well-Intentioned British Persons, announced his intentions to run for the U.S. Presidency in 2008. Guiliano is a seasoned drinker and made his announcement while standing atop the roof of the legendary Apple Corps Building. After a startlingly good performance of “Get Back” and “That Drinking Song From Jaws”, Giuliano began his controversial rant. Transcription is as follows:

“We need to get back…get back…get back to where we once belonged. Get back, Jojo.”

It is believed Jojo was Giuliano’s pseudonym for current U.S. President George W. Bush, and his position to “getting back” was reference to prior celebrated U.S. Policies. The transcription continues as follows:

“I think American Beer sucks! I HATE IT! I’m not going to stand for it! I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!”

After a rousing cry from the audience of three drinking buddies and an amused constable below, he fell onto the propositioned mat below. When interviewed in his jail cell about his obvious self-nomination, he replied: “Well, obviously I’m buggered about the bloody thing. I mean, this is going to cost me big in the end. I’m never drinking cheap American Beer again.” When asked what ticket he would run under, he replied: “Run under? What the bloody hell are you jabbering about, mate? I’m talking about my court costs. Presidency? Ah, well, ok then.”

U.S. Political analysts stress that this is indeed a very unwise decision due to the fact that not only is there a thirty-five year age minimum for the position of U.S. Presidency, but that he is not a natural citizen of our country. U.S. Residents of local Washington D.C. Community Colleges made similar statements about the issue: “Yo, that mother-fucker is the man! Shit yeah! The Beatles were important and shit, you know? Shit, yeah he’s got my vote!”

Guiliano is already ahead in U.S. polls with an estimated 78% of the popular vote. Though he would be immediately arrested upon entering the White House, he had only this comment concerning the issue: “I need a lager, mate. Where the hell am I?”

America is looking for a change, and apparently it lies within this well-meaning, strapping young lad from Liverpool.

He's got my vote!

Hey! A Giuliano/Giuliani ticket!


Sounds good to me.


Don Cardi

Post deleted by Partagas

Now, as far as "Get Back", I shudder as I remember a certain photo that was recently posted here during the "Beta Test" period.

It proved, beyond any reasonable doubt, that Turi's Got Back!

Signor V.

I know we are all joking about this, but could you imagine how f*ing sweet it would be if Turi was actually president of these United States?!?!?!?

"A chicken in every pot,
and a 16 yr old in every bed!!"

"He's a very scary guy..."

Signor V.

Yeah Signor, almost looks as though he can start a Helter Skelter!

Don Cardi

This is exactly who Col. Donald P. Icewater III must have been thinking about. I had the Colonel over for lunch today and he described him like this perfectly. All hail TURI!

The Doc

IMPEACH BUSH! VOTE FOR GIULIANO!

TURI! TURI! TURI!






Don Cardi

Now, you don't really want me to post that photo, do you DC?

On the other hand, "he" might make a suitable running mate for our Turi. Just what we need in the White House. Hey, ya never know.

Signor V.

Do they allow that from San Quentin?

Well being that you yourself have made the offer here, you are now obligated to post those eerie photos of yours.


Let the GangsterBB see what the REAL Signor Vitelli looks like!



Don Cardi

Awright, here goes...the condensed version:

Way back in February 1982, a friend of mine ran an Anti-Valentine's Day costume party. He wanted people to dress as famous dead people (real and fictional), murderers, etc. People came as Edgar Allan Poe, Norma Desmond, Bonnie & Clyde, Lizzie Borden...you get the idea. Oh, and the host dressed as Jayne Mansfield.

A friend and I went as Charles Manson and Squeaky Fromme.

It was so convincing, that when I drove to pick up another friend, he thought I was a customer of his weed-dealing younger brother and shut the door in my face!

Once we arrived at the party, the three of us "decorated" our host's refrigerator with theatrical blood.

We certainly were a bunch of sick bastards way back when...

Anyway, here are two photos. I'm finished hijacking this thread, and will now return you to your regularly-scheduled political announcements.

Signor V. (AKA "Charlie")

I like this guy and now I wish I could vote. Who is going to be his VP?

Just announced off the Assosiated Press: Giuliano chooses "foul" runnningmate

Presidential canidate Turi Giuliano has chosen a duck out of his local wildlife conservatorium to be his runningmate. When asked for comments, Turi had only one:

"I thought I would need a good "wing"man. Get it...? Oh well bloody hell with you then, mate!"

Turi is still ahead in the polls with 89% of the vote.

Col. Donald P. Icewater III

As your campaign manager Turi, I have to inform you that this is not a wise choice.

We don't want you being thought of as a possible "LAME DUCK" President! You have to make better choices for a running mate, Mate!




Don Cardi

The duck has to be 35 years old and a US Citizen to qualify. You better check that out. I dont want some under age Canadian serving as my vice president. An over-aged Texan who pretends he is still from Wyoming is bad enough.

Turi, you've got my vote in the bag, sir. Oh what a wonderful world it would be..

Almost as bad as an under-aged Ex-President from Arkansas who treated the oval office like the back seat of a 67' Chevy.



Don Cardi

Anyone who says they wouldn't use "Hey, want to see the bottom of the presidential desk?" as a pick-up line, given they had the chance, is a filthy liar.

But you're ok with an underage British guy with "I love Pigs In Blankets" tattood on him serving as your president?

You guys are starting to make me believe my own hype now. I think I can do it. I would make a great president. But I need to ask a serious question. How far away is the local boozer from the Whitehouse? I mean, where I live now, there's maybe 8 or 9 watering holes in a ten minute walking distance. I don't want to have to travel too far for a good piss up. Sure we can have a house party round my gaff but I wouldn't mind a few pints, bit of pool, meet some slutty women, elsewhere first.

The White House now actually has two different bars in it's basement complete with sticky floors, loud AC/DC, and tar-stained ceilings. Bush had them installed when he found himself in your shoes too, Turi.

Good Luck!

The Doc

For the locations of the local boozers, we'll have to consult George W. on that. As for the pool halls with the slutty woman, well only former President Clinton can tell you were the best places are.




Don Cardi

Sorry Turi.

Looks like Obama won.

Shame really, my campaign never did gather momentum.

I know why I wasn't voted in. You American's just don't want a minority to get into power.

I wrote your name in on my ballot.

Oh please, everyone is a minority.

Yeah especially the Republicans.

With all due respect (of course)


Last election it was the Dems getting mocked, criticized, putdown,Mig. We got totally thrashed right here on the BB by a few people, not to mention the media Bush lapdogs. I guess what goes around comes around. Personally, I'm enjoying every minute. It's OUR turn.



TIS

Now ladies, let's not be so partisan. Afterall it was our kindred brother Turi who got dissed. I ran on the Euro-American-with-a-spec-of-Native-American blood ticket and I only got 16 votes. You don't hear me bawlin'. In the words of Jimmy Buffett, "We are the people, our parents warned us about." So take heed and remember, we are the world, we are the children; if it's going to be, it's up to me and of course...if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.