Make-A-Wish Foundation Asked To Punch Barry Bonds In The Nuts

AMES, IA--Members of the Make-A-Wish Foundation struggled to come up with a response to a dying 9-year-old boy’s request that they punch slugger Barry Bonds in the nuts repeatedly. The boy, Danny Wickman of Ames, Iowa, reportedly hates Bonds and wants nothing more than to see him in debilitating pain. The director of the foundation said that it was the first such request that he had ever received.

“That’s a first. Obviously the kid really hates Barry Bonds, as a lot of people do, but I don’t know if we can comply with his request,” said Charles Hopkinton, managing director of Make-A-Wish. “We’ll have to call Barry and see if he’s OK with it. I mean, it is his dying wish, so we should do everything we can to make it happen. What really strikes me though, is the fact that he [Danny] isn’t even interested in doing it himself. He's happy just to watch someone else do it. Now that’s hatred.”

Wickman has been diagnosed with tuberculosis and is expected to live another six months. Upon hearing about his condition through a mutual friend, Hopkinton immediately met little Danny to set him up with the foundation. After mulling over his wish, Danny decided it would be fun to watch his least favorite ball player get punched in the nuts.

“I kept asking him if he was sure,” said Hopkinton. “And he kept saying ‘yes.’ I offered him all kinds of other stuff, but he was adamant. He wants to see Bonds doubled over in pain before he dies.”

Hopkinton apparently offered Wickman a chance to meet Lebron James, have a one-on-one dinner with Brett Favre, and get an all access pass to the Minnesota Vikings training camp. As appealing as these offers sounded, nothing was more appealing than the ruthless beating of Bonds.

Mary Wickman, Danny’s mother, said her son has always had a deep, seething resentment towards Bonds.

“A lot of people hate that guy, so it should be understandable that he would request something like this,” she said. “[Danny] is not some stupid kid who blindly worships athletes. He only roots for guys who are good people. He’s heard enough Bonds interviews, as we all have, to know that the guy is an arrogant, selfish prick. I’m sure a lot of people in America would love to see the guy gets his nuts rammed with a sledgehammer. I know I would.”

Hopkinton has been trying to come up with a way to present the idea to Bonds. He does not expect the slugger to agree to have his testicles punched, but he may agree to make an appearance with young Danny, at which point they could ambush him.

“That’s the only solution I can come up with right now,” said Hopkinton. “As bad as it may sound, we might have to trick him into showing up, then just sneak in a few quick cock-punches so Danny can get his wish. After that, we might have to run like hell, but this is a kid’s dying wish. We can’t say no. And frankly, we don’t want to.”

The director’s biggest concern, he said, is Bonds willingness to show up at all, even for a brief handshake and autograph session. The famous slugger has a reputation for being ornery and extremely private, even when it comes to cute, dying children.

“I know this guy doesn’t do autographs and things like that,” said Hopkinton. “I know he has a track record of turning down charity causes. I know because one time I asked him to send a sick kid a signed 8 x 10 and he said no. Can you imagine that? He just had to sign it and send it out. He said he was ‘too busy.’ Then I told him that he could just have his secretary sign it and send it out, and the kid wouldn’t even know any better. He said ‘Nah, she’s too busy.’ Then I asked him to just turn his head slightly and look in the direction of the young boy, who was sitting behind the dugout. He just said ‘Nah. Got a sore neck.’ That’s why, if we can pull this off, I’ll be the first in line to smack him.”

While most sick children request time with athletes they admire, Wickman said he'll be perfectly content to see an athlete he does not admire suffer greatly. When asked why he had such antipathy for the hall-of-fame slugger, young Danny answered with his usual candor.

“Why do I hate Barry Bonds? There’s no specific reason. I just think he’s a dick,” said Wickman. “He’s so conceited and he thinks he’s better than everyone else and he’s sits there in that stupid reclining chair in the clubhouse like he’s the king of the world or something. Having this disease really sucks, but I swear I’ll die happy if someone punches Barry in the nuts. It’s easy. All they have to do is get a press pass to go into the Giants locker room after a game, pretend they're a reporter, and give him a couple quick punches. That’s all it takes to really hurt someone. Is that too much to ask, Mr. Hopkinton? Don’t you want to make a dying boy happy?”

I don't really follow Barry Bonds, but why does everyone hate him so much? I hear people say that he's an a**hole & he's not a nice person? In what way? Towards fans, teammates, other ball players?? I don't see what he did that was so wrong. Does he have Kobe Bryant's ego?

That has the odor of The Onion or some similar lampoon written all over it!

tony b.

Bonds does have a huge ego, bigger than Kobes, maybe bigger than anyone in sports. He is hated by the media because he never wants to talk to them and is hated by fans because he never really pay any attention to them. Many people dont know this, but Bonds demanded that he be paid to participate in the home run derby because it was suppose to be a day off but since he would be in the derby, he wouldnt be getting the day off, therefore, he believed he should be paid for it. That is just one other thing that makes people hate Barry Bonds. Hes the main reason Jeff Kent is now in Houston, because him and Bonds hated each other. He is one of the best to ever play, Ill give him that.

So he doesn't talk to the media, big deal (can you blame him). Pedro hasn't talked to the media in a while because he boycotted them too (why isn't he such a bad guy). Furthermore, what do you mean he doesn't pay attention to fans?

Barry Bonds is a very private person and prefers not to speak to media or fans that much. Hey, guess that is his choice...he is not paid to be an Ambassador of Goodwill and Warm Fuzzies.

btw - I am not a Bonds fan myself.

But if a boy's ONLY dying wish is to cause "debilitating pain" to an athlete he claims to "hate" - then I wonder about his parents and his upbringing. Surely there is something out there that could bring greater joy to his life????? :rolleyes:

The Make-a-Wish Foundation should pass on this one. :rolleyes: I think there are hundreds of kids out there proving there are other ways to find happiness than causing physical pain and humilitation to another person.

Can you imagine the precedent something like this would set???

Yo, I'm with you. A fake. The press would not quote the kid saying "nuts" when referring to Barry's balls. They would paraphrase and use the anatomically correct word - testicles. Nice job JJ05!

Barry has often stood at the plate with two balls on him...

tony b.

Ha, not bad Tony.

Irishman, Im not disagreeing with you, all I was saying that those are the reasons why people dislike Bonds. He likes to keep to himself and when people try to talk to him and he doesnt want to talk back, he can become a very rude person. I feel he should do what he wants to do also, but this is why people dont like him.

As for the kid's wish, I completely agree with you Dolce Vita. He either has been very unfortunate in life and born with a terrible disease that has made him an angry person or has had parents that have brought him up in a very negative lifestyle.