I met Christy Ticks recently outside an abandoned bodega. I was told I was meeting someone really high up, really important, regarding some moneys I owed to some dangerous people - I mean wacko, right? Real loopy loo guys. Kinda guyses that would shoot someone to see if they bleed green. Money on the brain these guys.

Anyways, lest I go on a tangent, I had my guys each side, Bruno Bats and Sally Sausage, cos a guy needs protection, right? I felt more nervous than I did on prom night. So I'm clamming up. Sweating like crazy. Like Michael Jackson at a Middle School assembly. I mean, I was BUZZED.

All a sudden I hears the spokes of a wheelchair. I mean this motherfucker sounded like it hadn't been greased since JFK was getting blown in the White House. Let me tell you something about that night. It was dark, brother. I could hear this fuck before I could see him. As I said, that wheelchair was like nails on a chalkboard. All I could see was these glow in the dark stickers the guy had on his wheelchair. As I said. Wackadoo.

All a sudden he speaks up. "My name is Christy Tick Furnari" he says. ", I represent the Lucchese Family." Now, I'm shaking. Now I heard about specials all the time. Love them. At this delicatessen I know, you get one special, two meat loafs for the price of one. Let me tells you. The Tick Special is not a deal you wanna avail of, pal.

"I hear you owe some very dear friends of mine a great deal of money." "I don't play around." "You're gonna pay what you owe plus 3 points over the vig." I protested. I screamed and shouted. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! All a sudden, the fucker pulls down his pants. He says.. "Either you grease my palms or you can grease somethin' else."

Long story short I did what he asked. And so that was my first, and by the grace of God the last, encounter I had with a guy called Christy Tick Furnari. Motherfucker may be in a wheelchair, but I personally know several knockaround guys who were made to fellate his shriveled, beat up penis.

My lesson is in short. You owe money. You pay, with interest. On time.