From David Chase's interviews it's obvious he wanted the show to primarily be about a mobster who had a bizarre falling out with is own mother, as David Chase himself didn't have a good relationship with his mother, and wanted the mobster to be in therapy (this was before Analyze This). He wanted the mobster to be based in Jersey because that's where he's from. He used the real Jersey mob as a basis for the mob drama that took place while this lead character was going through problems with his family. The show was never intended to be a reenactment of the DeCavalcante family, or to accurately follow the mob's flow chart or protocol. All that stuff is background noise. It's about a mobster from a strange family in Jersey. If you watch it that way, it's easier to enjoy. If you put it to the smell test of what the real mob is like, you probably won't like it. There's a ton of stuff that happens on this show that would never happen in the mob. A lot of it seemed real because David Chase got some of the best writers, not to mention the best mob actors, together. It just worked. It's a great show but it's not intended to be an accurate portrayal of the mob.