You make some really good points, although nobody on this forum will ever know what went through Castellano's mind, as I am going to play devil's advocate:

1. Reclusive...Many bosses didn't like to go out in public or be seen with other wiseguys, as Big Paul "only" felt completely safe at home.

2. Petty Details- Paul Castellano as boss was dealing with a family full of criminals who would steal, rob or sell drugs at the drop of a hat, so micromanaging your "company" is the style of many mafia bosses and/or CEO's of big companies, which is what Paul Castellano thought of himself.

3. Deals with other families- Many bosses dealt with other families, it's called maximizing your criminal portfolio. If it meant more money in Paul's pocket, why not "merge or acquire" other business interests. Do you think the CEO of companies such as Microsoft, Google, AT&T, IBM and Intel never merged or had relationships with their competitiors? I know for a fact that IBM and AT&T have layed off tens of thousands of employees which hurt them financially, it happens.

4. Mob Protocol? Where in the rule books does it say you can't fuck your Columbian maid? He never fucked her in front of his wife, he "flirted" with her. His wife knew what he was up to and she chose to stay and benefit from his financial position.

5. Neil's Wake- No violation "at all" of mob protocol. Is there an unwritten rule that a boss has to show up at a wake? Paul was under indictment for RICO charges in the commission case, so being at the wake of his underboss in front of every FBI camera would have been a disaster for the upcoming court case. No matter how it looked to the underlings, the boss is the boss is the boss.

6. The Tapes- Every other boss in the commission case had things to say about other bosses, no doubt. Especially when these guys were on trial for their life. Remember, these guys are criminals, that's all they know is how to backstab others to line their own pockets.

7. Every boss is greedy, they didn't make it to the top without being greedy and ambitious.

At the end of the day, Gotti was a low life punk who ascended to the top (which I give him credit for), but he was also the downfall to American LCN...so in the end, Paul was much better for the longevity of the American Mafia than Gotti.