Well, it's official: Bert and Ernie will not be making it legal.
So says Sesame Street.
Gee, I was envisioning them walking down the pink carpet, having their wedding service performed by our own Mayor Mike Bloomberg, and the whole thing ending up as one of those Ken Burns PBS documentaries during one of their all-too-numerous Pledge Drive Beg-a-thons - you know, where you get ten minutes of the show followed by twenty minutes of begging and whining. Another missed opportunity.
Actually, this would have been good publicity, and deflected attention away from Elmo, who, until his recent act of self-destruction (see above), had been Sesame Street's secret train-wreck, the Lindsay Lohan of the Children's Television Workshop. All the damage control behind the scenes could not prevent some of the information about Elmo's ongoing substance abuse problems and many stints in rehab from reaching the public:
But the real unanswered questions will, more than likely, center around Elmo's own ambiguous sexual orientation:
Somehow, I feel like we've all lost our innocence.
Signor V.
"For me, there's only my wife..."
"Sure I cook with wine - sometimes I even add it to the food!"
"When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?"
"It was a grass harp... And we listened."
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?"
