BREAKING NEWS, we now have photographic evidence why the Rapture was "delayed."
My sources tell me that Macho Man approached Jesus with an offer to endorse Slim Jim, but He chose to endorse Jack Links beef jerky instead...so this actually makes perfect sense.
"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis
