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MeyerLansky: indeed thank you buddy ! all the best to you too !
Toodoped: Fuck the ScottB & Button/Zipper Pants sites and fuck their paywalls. This forum gives you everything for free and so best wishes and good health to both JGeoff and TB!
Toodoped: Cheers and stay tuned for more free information.
Toodoped: Cant believe that some posters need to open three different threads so they can advertise their projects, and also talk to themselves with the help of different accounts. What is the world coming to?!
Toodoped: whoomp there it is! whoomp there it is! lol
Toodoped: a bird told me that the zipper pants site is slowly going down lol lol lol
Toodoped: The best fun for me is being the puppeteer of a complete idiot lol lol
Toodoped: ...and screw all paywalls and paying sites. They wont give you shit
Toodoped: Someone needs to unzip lots of zipper pants, so she or it can give birth to the Button Guys lol lol
Toodoped: I said I creep and I crawl and I creep and I crawl And I creep and I crawl creep creep lol
Toodoped: Lots of "amnesia"...some people are posting the same stuff over and over, and every time they are happy like small kids lol
Toodoped: a small reminder...screw all paywalls!
Toodoped: Anyone heard from @BigTuna? He is absent for quite some time...I hope is ok
Toodoped: Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Toodoped: Thanks buddy! We should continue fighting against these lying paying sites and to protect everyone on this forum, especially the younger generation or posters.
Toodoped: these days lots of people that I know lost their families and everything they had because its legit and even youngsters can chip in
Toodoped: Same as the mob paying sites...ppl pay for "Disneyland" and wiki mob stuff, something which they can find it on their own with a simple google search
VanillaLimeCoke: Lousy school violence these days. Not even a 6th of the way through September and we've already had a psychotic violent school shooting.
Toodoped: Word. Few days ago, over here, they caught one teenager with a gun and more than 60 bullets, while going to school. I wonder what was his plan ?!
Toodoped: Damn....the retard slowly became a stalker and he's following me whenever I make a post so he can bump up his own $0,5 "projects" lol lol "IT" is finished and I love it lol
Toodoped: still talking to yourself, a stupido?! lol lol
Toodoped: hahahahahaha I can do it all day long
Toodoped: Cant believe this shit...im off to find some real pussy
Toodoped: aaaaand....the retarded stalker is back again
Toodoped: For those who enjoyed the "TD's Free Outfit Articles 2023/24" thread, well thanks to @TB for making it a sticky on the first page in the OC forum so everyone can enjoy it. Again, I want to personally say thanks to TB, JGeoff and the whole GBB forum. Salut
VanillaLimeCoke: I can’t take it anymore. Everything has gotta change. Or at least a lot.
Toodoped: Screw the world bro...the main thing today is to take care of you and yours.
VanillaLimeCoke: I’m hoping and praying that 2025 will be so much better. …. for real …. Too
Giacomo_Vacari: Damn, he is posting the same things over and over, nothing new. Watch out the flu is bad this year. January 20th Trump gets sworn in, and hopefully turn things around.
VanillaLimeCoke: Yeah, but they’re already planning things so he can’t turn them around
VanillaLimeCoke: Biden’s pardened over 8000 people, most of which were issued in the last 2-3 months
hoodlum: Yes, most likely 2 piss off that crybaby & compulsive liar now sadly in office.
Jason1969: Hey! After applying months ago, I finally got my button and was accepted as a member!
NYMafia: Just when I thought I was out…they pull me back in!
NYMafia: Cardinal Robert Prevost becomes the first ever American-born pontiff of the world's 1.4 Billion Catholics: Pope Leo XIV.
hoodlum: My 15 yr. old grandson who thinks his generation invented all got into a small debate.....I asked him 2 explain the old (Archie Bunkeresque) tale..."You don't buy beer,,,,You rent it..Needless 2 say , he was dumfounded ....stupid little fuck...
NYMafia: Hey! Paisan. Thatsa Somma Spicy Meeta Balla U Gotta Da, Kid!
NYMafia: ...Take Alka-Seltzer for fast relief
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Re: Constructive Criticism?
[Re: FrankNitti91]
#602983
05/14/11 02:03 AM
05/14/11 02:03 AM
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 31,335 New Jersey, USA
J Geoff
The Don
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The Don

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 31,335
New Jersey, USA
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Some constructive criticism... haven't checked for tense yet, just grammar/spelling/flow a bit -- just my 2c: Chapter One "Fucking bastard," Bobby Schulman muttered as he seen [saw, or, witnessed] a known drug dealer entering [and pulling off in ] a dark-tinted black Mercedes-Benz V124 limousine, and watching it pull off. He [Q]uickly [he] shrugged it off as he entered the New York Supreme Court building.
Its architecture [has] never ceased to amaze Bobby. Although he had been on the force for over 12 years, he still got confused on [as to] where to go when entering this "puzzle house."
"You see Judge Cohen, Ernie?" Bobby asked, showing his NYPD credentials to the retired NYPD officer to his right.
"Yeah, he just acquitted that drug dealer, what's his name," Court officer Ernie Boyd replied[, while]; taking a sip of his cold coffee. "Best bet[,] is he's in his chambers."
Bobby stopped at the small convenience store behind Ernie Boyd's post[,]; buying a pack of Camel cigarettes and a black coffee, [always black,] before making his way to the elevator. He observed as he walked, [As he walked he locked] locking eyes with a gorgeous woman. 'Probably on jury duty' [Probably on jury duty] he thought, walking on to [into] the elevator and pressing four [#4].
It felt like forever due to [while] the elevator stopping [stopped] at every floor between one and four. He got off and made his way to [into] the chambers.
["]Judge Theodore Cohen[" the door read, in gold inscripted lettering] in gold inscripted letters read on the door. Knocking on the wood, he slowly opened the door. Judge Theodore Cohen, or ["]Teddy["] as his friends known [call] him, sat behind his desk smoking a half-finished cigarette, with Marvin Gaye's "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" playing on his mini stereo system.
"Teddy, what's up?" Bobby asked, taking a seat across from the middle-aged man.
No matter how many times Bobby visited Teddy[,] which was often, he never seemed to age though he was [despite being] 53 years old. Being on the bench for 11 years had [has] taken its toll on Judge Teddy Cohen. His once attractive red hair that sparkled like the morning sun was slowly but surely turning white. Those blue eyes that dwelved deep into the hearts of young women in his former days, were now sunken in from the stress of [the] high-profile cases he was taking on. Still[Yet,] all and all, he was still overly handsome, with his Roman nose.
Teddy put out his cigarette. "Hey, Bobby I woulda bet the house you would of been here earlier. What happened?" he asked, clasping his hands behind his head.
Bobby sighed. "Fucking traffic. So, he got off[,] huh?" Bobby leaned in. "How the hell [did] that happen? With a eye witness at that?" he asked.
"Sometimes the power is not in your hands, if you understand [get] what I'm telling you [sayin'], Bobby. On the stand, the witness got amnesia. Said it wasn't David Frazier she saw kill the other drug dealer.[,]" Teddy replied, throwing his hands up in a helpless manner.
Teddy got up and changed the song to Frank Sinatra's "That's Life", and sat back down. Bobby took out a cigarette from his Camel's pack, placing it between his lips, and lit it. "You want?" he asked Teddy.
Teddy shrugged no. "[No,] I only smoke Nat Sherman's," he said, picking up his pack for emphasis.
Bobby got up and walked over to the window to the left of Bobby's desk. Looking out, he pondered on his career. He was going through divorce proceedings and a child custody trial with his soon to be ex-wife Elaine. His main focus was on taking the Brooklyn Outfit, a criminal organization, down. Sincere Frazier, the Don of the [criminal organization] Outfit, was his main target. It seemed like nothing could stick to the man, and [as] he was now venturing into legitimate enterprises, while Bobby's life was whirling out of control.
"You know my unit doesn't even consider the Brooklyn Outfit a major target?" Bobby said. "The lieu[They?] want us to focus on the damn mob," he explained.
Teddy lit another Nat Sherman. "Isn't the mob bigger than these guys though?" he pondered.
Bobby dry laughed. "Yeah in the papers. This guy, Sincere Frazier has Brooklyn locked down with drugs, gambling, [--] any vice you can think of, and he's moving into legit businesses nowadays. The fucking guy is just 28 years old, and I say he's worth millions. Not to mention the Sacrimoni crime family is backing the guy, due to "Remo" Salieri being his godfather and all, you believe that?" Bobby [said as he] sat back down taking a few pulls [drags] off his cigarette.
"Frazier, Frazier, that name holds significant to me. [sounds familiar,]" Teddy said, trying to remember [recall]. "Is he in any way related to Tommy "Doc" Frazier?"
Bobby laughed. "Sincere is his son."
"My good friend, Judge Chambers, put that scumbag away for six consecutive life sentences back in 1978. This guy, Tommy, despite what he was, was a real classy guy. During the trial, he sent [a] flower arrangement to Chambers [him], trying to bribe him," Teddy [said as he drew] pulled off the cigarette. "I was ADA on the case. We estimated he raked in from [between] $1-5 million a week from various criminal activities. He was tight with [Remo, or Frank as I knew him, a] then rising star in the Sacrimoni family, Remo, or Frank as I knew him to be. That more than likely explains the Godfather connection."
Bobby put out his cigarette. "Yeah, Salieri is now next in line to become Boss," he said, enlightening him.
Teddy looked confused. "Remo's up in Lewisburg serving 9 years for labor racketeering, am I correct [right]?"
"Yeah[,] but he's up for parole in a couple of months. He [He'll] be home before we know it," Bobby said, sighing.
"The OCCB unit your [you're] in doesn't have a detail dedicated to these Brooklyn Outfit fellas?" he asked.
"Nope, I stay [tried] stressing this to my Captain[,] Al Linscott, but he just turns a blind eye. Doesn't think a black can amass the wealth of Italians," Bobby explained, taking his first sip of [his] the now cold coffee.
Teddy stood up, followed by Bobby. "Your [You're] gonna get your wish, Bobby. I'm gonna speak to the police commissioner myself. Don't lose sleep over things that's not in your power."
Bobby grabbed Teddy's beige trench coat off the rack, helping Teddy into it. Teddy grabbed his pack of cigs [smokes], stuffing them into his inner coat pocket.
"Where you headed? I'll give you a lift," Bobby asked, cutting off the radio for him.
"Got a lodge meeting in Queens. Sure I won't take you out your way?" Teddy asked, putting on his [cherished] coonskin cap that he cherished.
Bobby waved him off. "Come on Teddy, you know me better than that."
Teddy shut his window blinds, before putting his browline glasses on.
Bobby opened the door for Teddy, and cut [shut] the lights off, as he closed the door.
"What you got planned for Christmas, Bobby?" Teddy asked, as they walked down the empty hallway.
"I don't know, probably go see my parents in Rochester," he replied.
"Well, if you don't figure out what your [you're] doing come join my family and I [[grammatically, should be 'me', but maybe he's not that smart, so okay]] for dinner, okay?" Teddy told him, pressing the elevator button.
Bobby nodded. He wasn't thinking about Christmas, he was thinking about slapping the cuffs on Sincere Frazier[,] personally.
I studied Italian for 2 semesters. Not once was a "C" pronounced as a "G", and never was a trailing "I" ignored! And I'm from Jersey!  lol Whaddaya want me to do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy? --Peter Griffin My DVDs | Facebook | Godfather Filming Locations
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